Kudos to you for nutting up and confronting her with the conversation, and for leading it (pointing to the bedroom to talk).
The problem you're having is, "you can't TEACH an adulterer." That whole conversation (and you handled yourself very well, by the way, and got in some great truth darts) could have been condensed to:
H4H:
I need to make some decisions. I love you, and I don't want to divorce, but I won't live in an open marriage. What are your intentions here?"
Her:
I don't think we have a chance.
H4H:
I don't think you've GIVEN us a chance, to work on our marriage, when you've unilaterally decided to invite a third person into it. Are you willing to end it with him, and come back and work on our marriage with me?
Her:
I don't want to -- and he has nothing to do with us.
H4H:
He is not the only marital problem we had, no -- but he is absolutely the immediate obstacle. I cannot live in an open marriage. I'll ask you again: are you willing to end all contact with him -- forever -- and come back and try to work on our marriage with me?
Her:
I don't know what I want to do. I don't want to be with you.
H4H:
Well thank you at least for being honest with me. I guess I have some decisions to make.
And leave the room.
I also am concerned about her legal intentions, and how far along she is in her Plan. This is why I wanted you to do this MONTHS ago, and take control of the agenda, the timeline, and the endgame.
