H had 3 year affair and I never knew!

[happycamper]

I completely understand how you feel. But I can also understand, if they don't have a single clue as to the truth, that they would naturally assume that you guys are making a selfish decision, because they have no idea of the pain or problems in your relationship.

I completely get that. I think we are just going to have to ride it out. It looks like one day, out of the blue, we just thought 'we don't want to do this anymore...'. Maybe for them the only thing that makes sense is an A, as that would call an abrupt halt to a R. Thing is, even if H was seeing someone else at the moment, that wouldn't be the reason. The reason is H's issues.

Have you said something like that to them--"We're trying to protect you and our children from the pain of what we have gone through, so just please trust that this decision is not made lightly in any way, in fact this is the hardest thing we've ever dealt with. We are hurting and very much need your support."?

I've said this to my parents, but then they have come round quite fast, probably because they have actually let me talk to them. I've still not given them loads of details, but they know how we are feeling about the whole thing.

PILs just haven't given us a chance. Anything we say was just thrown out the window. When I said about the support I had put in place to help the children, MIL just rubbished it and said that they would be devastated. They just want us to be the bad guys and any good we're doing is void.

Their anger at your H sounds like intuition. Do they have any clue that your husband was abused?

Nope, none. They don't know anything about him. They think the worst he could do is have an affair. Not multiple affairs, multiple one-night stands, sex addiction (even H is coming round to that), group sex, S&M clubs, threesomes with married couples in specialist 'clubs', coke habit, sex for money with his dealer, dominatrix sessions, internet chat rooms, phone sex with strangers, and over £20000 debts!

But you guys know, and that helps me