It keeps coming back to this fatalistic idea of people belonging together. I don't believe in it. Love is a choice. Belonging is a choice. One of my goals at Retrouvaille was to convince my H that he did belong with our family. He is a loner, and always was sort of an outsider with me and the kids. I was tight-knit with the kids in the kitchen, while my H was by himself in the bedroom. I had to make some accomodations to make him feel welcome with us in the kitchen. Just a life of 28 years of good and bad times did not tie us together, we had to choose to tie ourselves together.