It keeps coming back to this fatalistic idea of people belonging together. I don't believe in it. Love is a choice. Belonging is a choice. One of my goals at Retrouvaille was to convince my H that he did belong with our family. He is a loner, and always was sort of an outsider with me and the kids. I was tight-knit with the kids in the kitchen, while my H was by himself in the bedroom. I had to make some accomodations to make him feel welcome with us in the kitchen. Just a life of 28 years of good and bad times did not tie us together, we had to choose to tie ourselves together.
I either go full fledge into repair mode, or I jump off the bus. I know there is no turning back ...maybe that's why I can't make love to H. Maybe I know that if I do, it is done FOR SURE with OM. Maybe that is one of my last things I am holding on to.
Sandi, in response to whether or not I could go without seeing both men for a time, that is exactly the point that I'm getting to. I started this whole mess with the intention of discovering my own happiness, and I find that all I have been doing lately is trying to make both of them happy that I am completely forgetting myself in the process! Honestly, why is this such a natural thing for women to do - worry about others and not themselves? So now I am in the process of planning a relaxing getaway for myself (and no one else) so that I can have some breathing room. I find myself looking extremely forward to it
"This is probably something I shouldn't say b/c it doesn't really help you, but I read one time where most women that had affairs with partners other than the one they married, were much more passionate than their H. Isn't that ironic?" - Were you trying to say that the wives were more passionate or the OM were more passionate? Because in my case, both would be accurate. I have a much higher sex drive than my H (always have) and let's just say that sex has always been so-so in our M. And yes, OM is also more passionate than H - so if I had to make a decision based on sexual compatibility, I would definitely have to go with OM. Unfortunately, sex isn't the only factor to weigh in making decisions like this and I am wise enough to realize that... if it is, in fact, the only thing I am wise about these days.
I look forward to us WAW's being able to help each other through our troubles and hopefully find some light in the storm...
Me (WAW) 30 H (LBS) 31 T since 6/10/1994 M 8/8/98 No kids S 3/10/08 D filed 6/9/08; put on hold 7/14/08 D finalized 10/13/08
