Thanks, h4u. Let's just hope my courage and effort pay off.
Here I lay late in bed, 2 days away from Retrouvaille, and I am still thinking of the OM. Will it ever end? I think.....did I make the biggest mistake of my life? I was told by a friend of a friend of a friend that the OM has someone interested in him and he is going to ask her out. Apparently everyone is sooo happy he is doing this because he has been home and depressed about us. She said, "Yeah, we told him, face the facts she chose her husband. You need to move on." I just smiled and agreed as my heart broke in two. Please God make my strength worth something in the end.
For years I regretted that I hadn't chosen my other boyfriend over my husband and married him instead. But recently it occurred to me that if I had every choice to make again, knowing exactly what I knew then (which is only fair), I would make all the same choices. No changes. This is my life. I chose it. All in all, it's a pretty good life.
Who knows. But life doesn't work that way. You can't live backwards. Knowing what I know now, I think that my life would have worked out fine either way. But would I have had any children with OM? And if I hadn't had kids, would I be even close to as happy as I am now? They certainly would not be the kids I have and love. So it is better to just be happy with what I have and not think about what could have been. I could have been hit by a bus. Who knows?
I know what I should be doing (i.e. returning to H and giving him 100%) but right now I just don't know if that's what I 100% want and the feelings for OM just get muddled up in the mess somewhere - or maybe they are the big muddle in the mess, I don't know.
Hi Lost, glad to have another WAW here with us. There are a lot of us around the board, but we just have to find each other. In regard to what you posted to WDID above, it made me wonder if you could just go without seeing either one of the men (OM and your H) for a time, if it would help clear your head any better. I honestly think I know how confused you are. We have so much conflict going on inside of us about what is "right" and what we really "want"--that it is enough to drive us crazy! Plus, there is always that "risk" factor with D your H and chosing OM. So many times, it doesn't work out with OM after the couple actually marries. Plus, you have that "history" with your H and that plays a big part also. So, like I said, it is engouh to cause your mind to be muddled. This is probably something I shouldn't say b/c it doesn't really help you, but I read one time where most women that had affairs with partners other than the one they married, were much more passionate than their H. Isn't that ironic?
Well, please keep coming back to post. We need to find all the WAW's and pull together for support. I have a thread in Piecing Our Marriage Back Together if you want to come visit me.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
OK. Thanks, Sara. I am choosing to love my H and am choosing to work hard at our marriage. So, I guess if that is my choice, then I might as well stop looking back. I believe with Retrouvaille coming I am seeing how this is it and I am having last minute jitters......I either do it or I don't. I either go full fledge into repair mode, or I jump off the bus. I know there is no turning back ...maybe that's why I can't make love to H. Maybe I know that if I do, it is done FOR SURE with OM. Maybe that is one of my last things I am holding on to.
I talked to H tonight for a long time. I'm trying to get ready for the weekend. I want it to be a success. What worries us is that we are afraid that we will be the only ones that feel like we have skipped the "romance stage" of the stages. I started to talk to him about it.....I'm like...OK, we HAD to have had romance....so we got to thinking...I could think of some stuff at the beginning before we got married: jealousy toward this girl that was interested in him, wanting to call him all the time, wanting to see him all the time, wanting him to notice me when I walked to school by his place.......there were some things I could come up with...not much but it's something....We both became this old married couple VERY FAST and the beginning is very hard to remember. The beginning of our marriage had many disappointing events which didn't help as well. I can't sleep tonight.
You shouldn't worry about that. Remember, you will not be comparing your life to anyone else's this weekend. The speakers will tell you about their lives. Perhaps you will relate to them, perhaps you won't. You will recognize the pain they feel. That is shared by everyone in the room. I would say that someday you and your H would make great speakers for Retrouvaille, because your story is a little different. There will be people who will be so happy to hear your story and will recognize themselves in it.
You do know that romantic love was invented in the Middle Ages to keep the younger sons who did not stand to inherit land from attacking the landed gentry. They set these men on impossible tasks to win the hearts of married women with great deeds and good manners. It was all a great game, not supposed to land anyone in bed with each other. Just to flirt and keep the young men occupied. It is not the most important thing in life.
Because our story is different is what makes me think that maybe we don't belong together???????? But, maybe you are right....there are other people like us out there.
But, maybe you are right....there are other people like us out there.