Thanks, you checking on me means a lot to me. To be honest I don't know, I really don't know, I'll post later 'today' since it's nearly 2:00 AM EDT.
(OK I'll post now.)I've definitely hit those moments where I don't know where I am at.(why is it that every time I turn on the radio James Blunt is on?) I definitely gyrate between strength and need.(for the most part its strength but I have moments of weakness) It's been a tough few days and to make it worse I've needed to keep tabs on the mobile phone usage meaning checking my usage online.(Yes we have a family plan on the phone, oh look, she hasn't paid the bill, add that to the list of unpaid bills. Yes I have my own phone too.) Since she is primary on the account as soon as I log in I see her calls. Several 1 minute and voicemail calls the last few days. Funny, the OM seems to have 3 different phone numbers, makes me wonder who/what he's hiding from.
OK that all said, it's actually been an OK few days. The girls and I are trying to figure out several activities for us to do. Yesterday D11 (almost D12) called my wife and asked her if she'd like to go see an off broadway show on Sunday with me, D11 and D10, my wife accepted instantly. The show is after our usual dropoff time. So folks I haven't a clue where she's at, what she's thinking or where this is heading. A few days ago I thought I had an idea, now I haven't a clue. So here I am, once again scratching my head.
Tonight a dear, dear friend of mine told me something that really meant something to me. She told me that I should be someone everyone admires, holds in high regard, looks up to because of my dedication to our vows. She said that society needs more people like me, more people dedicated to their word, to their commitment and that she hopes that she and her BF can hold to at least part of what I have done.
Folks, if nothing else, if this ends in divorce I know I have stood and I stood for my word, a word that originates from the heart. If nothing else matters, I am good to that, my word.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
