Race, let me add my voice...that was a HOME RUN baby! When my DAM Hus affirms me it builds up that love bank faster than almost anything else. What do they say, keep doing what works? Peace.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
M: Surprises like that make the day all good W: Well you did not look happy to me you looked sad M: I'm always happy to see you! It was a long humid day & didn't get quite decompressed on the way back like I usually do. W: Oh I see M: So guess I was still a bit in work mode like you. How was the bike ride?
You smooth talker. Do you write your own stuff? lol She's thinking about it. Trust me. Peace.
she rolls down her window I squat down and lean in the car and look her in the eyes and say your hair is beautiful she fumbles around and finally gets out thank you. As I was standing up I stick my hand in the window and caressed the back of her head and said don't be so hard on yourself you are a beautiful woman, have a good night and I will talk to you later.
Brian
WOW !!! Nice, really really nice !!!!
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Brian - You are my current learning tool regarding W. W had her hair done yesterday, good opportunity hey...uh oh. Doesn't look any different from yesterday....ooops. I put my head in my hands when she out of site !!!
I would say that since she had to go home and change her drawers then you did a little more than just "work"..if ya feel me.. No offense to you or your W.
I have never posted here but have been a LONG time lurker....
I too am from the land of Crimson. At least I think you indicated at one point that you were from the countries heart.
I have been following your story and both learning and cheering for you.
As I have said, I haven't posted here but I am a success story!!! Well, everyone is a success story...some just not as they desire in the beginning.
Here's the real skinny skinny...April of 06', I got the bomb. Started off doing all the wrong stuff as we typically do. Found DB and tried to grasp it. Wife went off the deep end as they typically do. 6 months later family convinced me to file for my own sanity and safety of the kids. The roller coaster was too much. I told her what I was going to do and her reply was simply "OK". Divorce granted...me full custody of two....kept house....blah, blah, blah. I believe that it was at this point that I got the true meaning of DB and started to form my new life. And guess what, it was at this point that she started seeing that I was changing.
I always felt that what all transpired with us wasn't meant to be and that there were too many pressures from outside that nudged the path, but it is what it is.....
Fast forward to Sept. 07'.....Beginning of school year and son is struggling a bit. Most interaction over the past year had been drop offs and conversations regarding kids. We had basically formed into the typical divorce routine. We had our own lives. K, back to son in school.....I sent an email one afternoon in frustration basically telling the wife that the kids need both parents and that while a I do my darndest to be strong for the kids, I wish she was by my side and together we watch the kids grow up.
My intent of that email wasn't to ask her to get back together, it was more to figure out how to work together on the kids school but what transpired from that email is a miracle...
Cutting to the chase....basically we started doing things as a family and started spending a lot of time together. The friendship grew strong and we rediscovered each other. The new each of us.
Today we are 9 months into our new relationship. We have not followed the prescribed path but have blazed our own trail. We are a family unit once again. Every day is new hope for each of us and we truely get why 2we have the other.
I guess I am sharing this with you as I hope that I can give back to this place and help a few find the path for "them".
I have some thoughts about your situation coming from my perspective....these are all things that have been discussed post getting back together in the myriad of conversations over the past 9 months.
1. Find your own way and begin to mold YOUR life.....I found that it was often the times when I would start to make changes that didn't include her that it was noticed. I.E. Painted the exterior of house and she LOVED the choice of colors. Didn't think I was that good at style. But this impressed her... POINT: THEY DO NOTICE THE CHANGES!!! They just won't tell you they do. So don't do it for them!!!
2. You seem to be doing well on being able to blend remaining manly and showing some heart. However, often times it has been translated by me that when you are conversing with your wife, it is all very calculated. I believe that your responses are excellent for the most part, but they seem to be directed as you saying what she wants to hear. This will catch up to you....I know it is tough but sometimes, telling them what they don't want to hear is also just as powerful. ;-) Kind of like the 2 x 4's around here... There is a fine line between compassion and being a pushover.
And last but for sure the most important.......
HAVE ABSOLUTELY ZERO EXPECTATIONS!!!!!! Once you achieve this, it's when you truely begin to move forward in your direction.
You are doing well...stay the course and know that you are ok regardless of what she does.
On a side note....apparently the press don't have much expectation for our new man Bo....3rd in the North?!?!?
M: Surprises like that make the day all good W: Well you did not look happy to me you looked sad M: I'm always happy to see you! It was a long humid day & didn't get quite decompressed on the way back like I usually do. W: Oh I see M: So guess I was still a bit in work mode like you. How was the bike ride?
You smooth talker. Do you write your own stuff? lol She's thinking about it. Trust me. Peace.
Hi goldeylox...
Thanks for stoppin by, I always appreciate a womans POV! I just say what I feel, that was something I never did was communicate very well.
