So to the other question...yes, I agree that basically no one is 100% straight or gay, we all fall somewhere in the middle...but this is a dangerous thing to say out loud to people who may be very insulted at the idea that they are not 100% straight (trust me, I have had that conversation so many times, I finally learned not to freak people out with a new idea like that - LOL!)
I agree with your statement here, DQ, and it reminded me of Shere Hite's books on male and female sexuality, in which BOTH the men and the women revealed that their earliest adolescent sexual encounters often involved members of the same sex. At the time, it was implicitly understood that these close friends were just 'temporary surrogates' for members of the opposite sex, but such encounters still frequently occur -- and are never brought up or admitted to again.
I've thought sometimes that my own strong heterosexuality has bit me in the butt in that it has reinforced my ingrained pathogenic belief from childhood that Nice Girls Don't (desire or enjoy sex). This is because I have a very hard time seeing men as sexually attractive. Over the years, I've learned to recognize what women find attractive, but I don't get it at all. And since I personally find other men very unattractive, when I'm was feeling very down about my marriage and relationship with my wife, it was easy for me to believe that she didn't find men (particularly me) sexually attractive either. This notion was, of course, completely and utterly false. She's about as heterosexual as I am, and loves to look at and appreciate men. In general, however, I think that women can recognize and appreciate the beauty and sex appeal of other women far easier than men can recognize these qualities in other men.
On a more specific note: I've always had a hard time understanding how a woman can find the male genitalia attractive or even beautiful. I've read that the reviews from women are a little more mixed in this department, but I've recently learned that I'm one of the lucky men married to a woman who does consider them lovely. I'll never get it, but can certainly enjoy it.
So, in the context of the above two observations, I actually wish I was a little less hetero: at least to the point of being able to see the world better through the eyes of my wife. A final example: last summer, I grew a short-cropped, neatly trimmed beard (a first for me). However, I think it ultimately makes me look older and uglier, while my wife likes me better with it -- all the women I know gave it good reviews. Go figure....
I kept it.
Bagheera
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
