Thank you for the compliments. I just hope he takes me up on the offer if it will make his journey easier. There is a slight difference between you rspending and my W. She will spend more than we have. The only saving grace is my career now can now keep up with her spending. It will be only get better with time. Best of luck in your sitch.
TBONE
P.S. Ask your H if your spending makes him feel like you are with him for the money or if he sees your spending as trying to find the happiness that he doesn't provide for you. I tried to convey this to my W but she didn't want to hear about my feelings. Just curious.
I think there is probably quite a bit of difference in salaries...we have always just gotten by...bankers don't make money!!! I am definately not m to h for the money...
Why do you think your w spends too much? I can see how that could cause problems...
I think she spends too much because if she wants it, she buys it. Cost is a very minor consideration. She is the youngest of 6 kids and was given most everything she wanted. I on the other hand am the oldest and was raised in a very modest household.
She gets almost giddy when she has something new. That bothers me because she seems to try to buy her happiness. It also bothers me because I am frugal about my needs and she is extravagant about hers. I would rather save money on minor things to spend it on longer lasting, larger items (Cars, house, toys). Things that the whole family and others can enjoy not just her. The other isssue is "timing", she buys it when she wants it not when we can afford it. We have a beautiful new home, nice cars, and I am still paying off my entry into the firm. If she would let me get caught up she could buy most anything she needs. I tell her to have patience and that the time will come. It is more about pacing, patience, and discipline. I also don't want our boys to think that just because we can afford it they get to have it. That sense of entitlement scares me and they need to learn to work for it. I will support them until they graduate college (5 yrs or less) after that they are on their own. I have seen too many of my client kids rely on their wealthy parents too much. There is my rant for the day.
You bankers are always "conservative" about your earnings. You seem to forget that I am a CPA and I do have several banker clients.
Whew...sorry I sent you into a rant!!!! But then again that is what this place is all about...is the money thing the main issue with your m, or are there other things...I can't understand a m falling apart because of money only...you both have different ideas about it, and there has to be a balance...does seem like she is buying happiness...it is one thing to like to shop and spend within the means..and then to just get everything you want...
Sue
p.s...you must know the big bankers... my h really does not make that much ..honest..he's the auditor...small town...could do better in a larger area, but the money is not as important as staying in our hometown and raising our kids here.
p.s.s....I guess if I think about it, I did spend too much..as h can afford apt, utilities...and still give me half his pay each month..I on the other hand am having to tone down the wants and needs..hmmmmm...this might be very good for me, to see that it is not always there.
Of course there is something missing. I try to do what I can for her happiness but ultimately it is up to her. She spends excessively which irks me and then nobody is happy. It is a circle that is improving because of increased cash flow and more conservative spending from my W. My opinion is that I try to be the best H, F, friend, businessman, and civic leader (in that order) possible and that is all I can do for her happiness. I have followed the DB advice of making myself the best I can and hope that it attracts my W. My path will not change and either the M will improve or it won't. Her love for me is still and always will be her choice.
It isn't that money causes the M to fail. I feel very disrespected, unappreciated, used, and taken for granted when she spends and "expects" me to be able to cover it by working longer, harder, etc. That is what boils my blood. It almost isn't even about the spending. I am also trying to teach my boys about financial discipline, wants versus needs, and appreciation for the simple things. I would like our money to make things easier for them, not harder. It seems too idealistic but I am going to try.
tbone, excess spending on material things is instant gratification and must be watched closely. Hell, you can spend every dime you make at Walmart, LOL! Ex-bf's ex-W was very materialistic, and did it make her happy in the long run? Of course not, but it does for the moment. Unfortantely, they keep spending and buying because the feeling is great and hard to stop. Wish I knew what else to tell you or how to cure that one...but if nothing else, be careful of your finances. I myself would not induldge in that one just to make her happy, because I can promise you the happiness never lasts and is an ongoing problem. I think you are going to have to really have a heart-to-heart about this one.
Hi tbone, Just reading through these last few posts and something occurred to me. Do you think your wife has a spending addiction? The way you describe the gratification it gives her and the fact that she is never satisfied sure sounds like an addiction to me. I don't know how you tackle it if it is but maybe it's a different angle to look at it. Maybe you can stop feeling so angry with her if you think that this is not a rational choice on her behalf and start looking at other ways for her to be helped with it.
Just my 2c
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
about your earnings. You seem to forget that I am a CPA and I do have several banker clients.