Sandi is here and things are getting better!

[sandi2]

Hi everyone. I thought I better start another thread. Haven't opened one in a while b/c I figured my post were pretty boring to most folk....lol. What I mean by that is that the lifestyle my H and I live is probably slow paced compared to a lot of couples here on the board. Anyway, just to let you know, things are gradually getting better and better as time goes by. We still have our physical problems we have to deal with and I have been concerned about my H's health. He seems to have gone down quite a bit this summer. I don't think he can handle the heat like he used to and he has looked kind of bad. I worry about his heart condition. I feel that I am to blame b/c of the terrible time I put him through........but then I get frustrated b/c he won't go to his doctor for a heart check-up. Men!!

He has been very good to me. He does a lot of "acts of service" which is not my LL, but I think it is his. Somebody said that we can usually tell what our spouse's LL is by what they do toward us. Makes sense to me. He has always done that when he wanted to show his love in a special way.....(usually when he wanted sex...lol) he wouuld do some kind of work around the house that is usually considered the "woman's work"......and he would do it without me asking. So, now I am praying that I can get to feeling better physically so I can try to show him acts of service for his LL.

He still does not give me my true LL, but I don't think he knows how. I have tried all these years to get him to open up and "talk" to me about us and our R and the future and making plans or dreams, etc. I would love for him to validate me. But, more than that, I would love for him to tell me that he thinks I'm sexy and beautiful and all that mushy stuff....lol. Now, for my confession.......he has said some of those things, but I suppose not in the way that I need to hear it. The OM was so different from my H and how he said things was thrilling to me. Perhaps it was b/c the OM was notmy H and did not have to say those things. He didn't feel obligated to say things in order for me to feel better about myself.......so, it was his "style" and how he expressed himself that turned me on and made me feel great. After I stopped the contact and was going through the "grieving" period for OM, I realized that it was all the things he fed my ego that I was having "withdrawals" from, more than him, the man! Yep, he was smooth! And, he probably told other women the same crap he was telling me.....lol. He was very, very convincing and had me thinking that I really was the only woman he talked with or had any type of relationship with (if you could call it that). I guess you could since I refer to it as a EA, but we never met in person. I don't know how I would have reacted to him. Don't know if I would have been totally turned off when we met in person.....or if I would have fallen into a "spell" and it would have taken forever to have come out of it. I'm just so glad it never went that far. What I did experience was enough to do some real damage to my own personal spiritual status, my marriage, and my relationship with my children. I felt terrible guilt where everyone was concerned b/c I had sort of been the "role model". It broke my heart to think how I must have disappointed my mother b/c I had always been the "good daughter" she could depend on. But, I have told all of this before and if you are new and just reading this, you can catch up on all the sorted details if you want to follow my thread....lol. But, I'll warn ya....it's long.

The point I want to make now is the fact that my relationship with my children is much better. As some of you know, I was worried about my D, especially. She has a new love and is happy now. We have concerns about our grandson.....but that's another story. The R between my H and I has slowly improved and we continue to show each other affection and tell each other we love one another. We are getting our lives back again and if feels good!

I know what some that have followed my stitch for a long time will think......"but you were not happy being where you were before in your MR". That is true, but here is the point I want to make........that place was a much better place than where I went!! Plus, it has taken a long time to get back to that place, and I have decided that it isn't so bad after all. Yes, it needs improvement, but it took me a long, long time to be able to get to the point of wanting to even get back to the place we are now. So, whether or not I had a MLC.....it doesn't matter enough to argue the point......but I did have some type of crisis that affected everything in my life! I mean everything!

Perhaps it is medication or everything combined in my life at this time......I don't know, but I am not experiencing some of the emotional and mental stuff that I was before, and that has helped. Some of you may remember how depressed I had gotten and could not seem to find the right medication to help me. Hopefully, I am on the right combination of meds now. I still suffer with the pain and the terrible fatigue of the Fibromyalgia, but I do have a good doctor that is working with me on that, so, I'm dealing.


As I told one poster......"peace" in one's life is a good place to be. In fact, I think peace is better than what we think "happiness" should be. Some of us work so hard to find happiness or to be happy. I've noticed especially those in this forum that are trying to piece the M together again, that they evaluate everything and worry if something doesn't seem to go the way they think it should. If people could try to relax and stop walking around on egg shells and just look for the "peace" in life......I really think it would be a great place to find what we are looking for. At least it is a good starting point. However, I also realize that when one has come so close to loosing the spouse they love dearly......it is very scary when a bad day happens and they worry that it may be a sign that things will turn bad again, so I certainly don't want to sound flip about what I'm saying.

I suppose I am just rambling, so I will stop. Just wanted to start a new thread so I would have a "home" for people to stop by and visit me. I've had some to ask where my thread was, so I had to re-open mine.