Thanks for the input, unfortunately I didn't see it before I left and have been far too busy to even lurk here since I got back. I know I provoke her defensiveness with how I talk to her even when I try not to. We are very incompatible in that regard. One thing that was said is that I should take responsibility for things to make them a non-issue. That would be really easy if I had more time. I simply can't. To answer another question regarding treating her like a client. I won't babysit my clients either. If they are not doing things I will give them gentle reminders but that is it. If they then come back to me and ask my why I didn't do something I will let them know that it was in their hands and they dropped it. I will lead the horse to water but I am not going to hold it's ears, sit on its head and make it drink.
She really doesn't like our confrontations (who would) but as I told her recently, "All you ever tell me is to deal with it." That has been the trend and last night was the same thing. I mentioned that she has not initiated in over 6 months. Her first reply was "you are counting?". She then broke into this rant about other affection and love and expectations. I said no it is only about initiation and passion. I want to feel "wanted". Who the hell doesn't. It is so important to feel loved but being wanted matters to me too. Am I way off on this?
She was bragging me up to her pageant friends and when I met them they were being blatantly flirtatious right in fornt of her. So she tells everyone what a catch I am and they seem to agree based on their actions but neither her comments or any jealousy make it to our private times. I try to be attractive to her but I think our "issues" are causing a lot of the problem.
She once again "shut me down" by telling me to "deal with it". That was crushing. The trend is that I open up and tell her how what she does or says makes me feel and I get no acknowledgement other than defensiveness. It is no wonder most H don't communicate if they get the same reaction I do. Sounds like "cheeseless tunnels" to me. I e-mailed her this a.m. to teall her exactly what I meant last night and that it really hurts me the way she reacts to my feelings. Maybe she will respond and maybe she won't but I will not verbally engage her in the future. Maybe if she reads something and has time to digest it she can contribute positively to the discussion.
Earlier this week I was very hurt by a comment she made so I said "You just keep pushing me away". Her defensive response was "keep walking". I was trying to be honest with her regarding how her actions make me feel and that is what I got. I told her that my comment wasn't a threat it is how I feel.
By the way, the pageant was the nightmare I predicted it would be. I could go into details but it would bore everyone. The boys and I had a great time in the water all week. Playing lifeguard results in a pretty good tan too I might add.
Had a new truck ordered for my W yesterday and now she thinks she wants something else. Why does life have to be so complicated. Maybe the C sessions will simplify matters.
