I am trying so hard to establish what I can and can not control. That is where I struggle. That is also my motivation to get to my financial comfort zone. We are not talking millions in net worth, just comfortable. I have always been a bit of a worrier especially with finances. I see everyday the troubles it causes. I am mellowing with age but reducing the stress would certainly accelerate that process. I am tired of having to "balance" everything so closely.
I have the reputation in this town as the business whiz kid. Emphasis on the "kid" part. This isn't a big town and any chinks in my armor will travel fast. Honestly, that is my biggest fear and I have talked with my W about that at length. That fear drives my financial control problems.
We are getting better at communicating about finances. She did mention lately how much more generous I ams when we shop together. I said that is because then it is our decision and not something that is a credit card bill surprise. Tell if this is solid thinking or not. I like to give her things but I don't like when she just takes them. I want to spoil her not her spoil herself. I know that reaks of control but I am also a romantic and want to do things for her.
I know I am trying to fix her. Last night was a perfect example. Her M took her shoppng yesterday for some last minute "pageant" clothes and her M paid for it all (about $1500 total). My W was on cloud nine with the clothes they found. That is great but she so thrives on the buying part. That is what I think isn't healthy. She gets almost "orgasmic" over it. The "buying" of her happiness is what really scares me. Her M has always lavished her like this and it will be a year or two before I can compete with that (partnership entry is expensive). I was very glad to see the euphoric look on her face last night but what is going to happen when this pageant is over and life is back to normal?
We had a conversation this a.m. that was not much fun so I e-mailed her that I am as tired of these same conversations as she is. I said that her choices are her responsility and I would quit trying to "fix" everything.
Thanks for the solid ideas and refocus you gave me, TBONE
