I have realized in the last couple of years how important control is to me. That trait bothers me and also bothers her to a certain degree. I also expect a lot of my self and those around me. My old defense was "I don't expect anymore of you than I do of myself". The problem was that I didn't realize how hard I always pushed myself. I would win a game and wonder why I didn't win by more. The fact is that I do cause her stress with my demands. The other part of that is she always takes on more than she can handle. The difference is when I do that I simply find a way to get it all done. She tends to get it all done about half-way.
I see what you mean bout "stressed-out" shut down. That is her reaction everytime. She gets depressed and tired. What irks me is that usually she causes her own stress by takin gon too much. We had a very full schedule and then she chose to enter pageants, get two more cats and host a foreign exchange student .
This sounds terrible but she really needs to see a C. The strange thing is that she has actually been "stronger" since her F passed. She also started to respect me for being so much like her F instead of that bothering her. "You are so much like my F" went from a negative to a huge positive in 24 hours.
The bottom line is that is not truly happy. I want to do what I can to help that but most of it is up to her. All I can do is be the best H and F that I can (I have improved in those areas 10-fold by the way).
My financial advisor and best friend just stopped in my office to check on me and give me a hug. I owe a lot of the good things in my life to him, relationship-wise, finance, business, and spirituality. People like him are what keep the rest of us sane. He was headed down to visit a mutual client of ours who had a near fatal motorcycle crash and help him with his physical therapy. I am blessed to know the man and honored to call him a friend.
I am now off to the gym to work on my "buff-ness" When you are a controlling, demanding, ranting jerk you have to keep them attracted some how .
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