<<I thought I was doing things to show her I loved her cared. The problem was what I thought would be important to her were important but not the most important. The sad part is that when we had a talk about this about 2 years ago I listened and tried to change. The big problem was that I really did not know what I needed to change. I thought I was doing the things she wanted but I was so far off. I wish I would have read these books then. I probably would not be in this sitchuation today.
<<I have not read the book on the 5 love languages. That may be the next one I read.
MAY be ? lol
<<I am scared to ask any questions like the on you mentioned at this point. I think she might say you would know if you would have asked or talked more with me. On the other hand, I want to ask it now because I want to make sure I am working on fixing the right things and not just thinking I am working on the right things.
Scared or not, you need to ask, in your first paragraph you'll see why. You Thought. You need to ask.
<<When I said that I realized what I was not giving her, I told her that I did not want a divorce. She said that after 4 years I finally get it. She said that we should live apart for a while and that she would not make any promises. Part of me thinks that she believes I can't change.
& part of her thinks that you won't change. That's completely normal WAW thinking.
<<I am not going to do this now but I want to sit her down and tell her everything I have learned. Tell her what I want out of the marriage and see if I really get it. See if we are on the same page. I want to know what she wants from me so I can give it to her. If I can make her happy I know I will be a lot happier with our relationship. I want the communication and affection to be there. I really missed that. I know it will be a lot of work for both of us.
How about, ask her what she wants out of the marriage. Don't tell her, but tell me/us, what do you want her to work on ? You said it will be a lot of work for both of us.
<<I appreicate your help.
no problem, if you have more questions, you may want to mention it to me on my thread, so it's not a big gap in time.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
