Yes, loving summer....although, whew...very hot and humid today. I don't know where the anger is coming from. lol Redirection of my anger toward myself? Who knows!!!!!!!!!!! 2 more days until Retrouvaille.
I have to ask about the book. My W is reading that as well. She is not in the same place you are - she still says she wants out. Will that book be a hindrance?
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I am only about a third of the way through the book. It is very calming to my thoughts. So far I wouldn't say it is making me think I don't want to be with my husband. She talks of her marriage and the pain of divorcing, and of her depression. I have had these feelings she is having so there is some validation. Do I feel like I should divorce like she did? Nope. My husband actually read the first part before me and thought it was a good book??????!!!!!!!
I feel like I could have written some of these posts myself! I am currently in a relationship with OM which started after H and I separated 5 months ago. For so long, H wanted nothing to do with me and now suddenly he seems like he has finally made the decision to be proactive in reconciling. Now I'm torn between them both - I still love H and a part of me would very much like to give 100% back to him. However, sitch with OM is complicated - we've been friends for 4 years and always had a deep connection. In many ways, he makes me feel things that H never did. (I guess same feelings, just much stronger.) H is my best friend and I guess you could say that's how I feel about him - even though he is attractive, I've never had strong passionate feelings for him. The last 4 years, I wondered what it would be like to be with OM and now that I know(even though he's far from perfect), I almost wish that I didn't.
At this point, H and I are beginning to do the "dating" thing again and are looking into MC. Part of me looks forward to reconciling and the other part is really sad about it. I don't know if I'm just scared of letting go of H and losing all that I've ever known or if going home is really what I want. Maybe that's why I haven't ended things with OM yet - because I just don't know. It's so difficult when both men are completely committed to me and yet I can't completely commit to either one of them...
What I'm saying is, WDID - I can completely understand where you're coming from. This is a difficult and confusing road we're on and it stinks that we are even on it. Hopefully we can help each other through it.
Sandi2 said some very powerful things about the lack of "feelings" that you're having and knowing what your responsibilities are. This is the same boat I am in. I know what I should be doing (i.e. returning to H and giving him 100%) but right now I just don't know if that's what I 100% want and the feelings for OM just get muddled up in the mess somewhere - or maybe they are the big muddle in the mess, I don't know. Anyway, I commend you for being ahead of me in the game - at least you've left OM and are committed at this point to making things work with your H. I look forward to the day I am able to do that...
Me (WAW) 30 H (LBS) 31 T since 6/10/1994 M 8/8/98 No kids S 3/10/08 D filed 6/9/08; put on hold 7/14/08 D finalized 10/13/08
Oh yes, we know each other's situations and feelings very well.....It's good to find you. Make sure you keep posting. Every day is a struggle. I'll let you know how Retrouvaille goes this weekend. That could be a key turning point for us.
Me too WDID. I appreciate that you're making the effort to do what's right even though it doesn't sound like your marriage has been that great so far. I admire your courage.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
