Another one Busted!!!!

[sandycay]

Hi Jen,

You happen to be one of the stories I follow. Your husband seems confused too..ie. buying the apartment together and coming over all the time. What I noticed that when I made my husband stop coming over all the time and set up bounderies it really put things in motion..Of course he was pissed off at first and that was the scariest thing of all. I didn't want to make him mad at me....I don't know why... he had already left but I was afraid he would move on even further. I came to the realization that he was either going to move on because of his actions not because of mine. My DB counselor suggested I do this early on but it took me about 5 weeks to muster up the courage.

She said that he already took the step of moving out now I needed to show him what being divorced looked like. It was a gamble I guess but I think in my case it helped the situation because he hated taking the kids to his apartment (he called it the Prison) hehe "there's nothing for the kids to do there, not like at the house, they will hate it and hate me" What did I say? Well I validated everything that he said with "I know I wish it didn't have to be like that, but that's what D looks like" "It doesnt' have to be this way" "I'm sorry you feel that way". I NEVER engaged in one argument EVER...and he tried and tried but I never played. If I didn't agree I would just use my favorite phrase "SURE" and I ZIPPED MY LIP, that was the hardest and the most productive thing I did....I listened.