Twerpled on the Head with a Magic Kumquat

[girlfromipanema]

The dream was a painful way to start my day because it was so very real. It must have only lasted a few seconds, but the feeling of joy I felt in that moment was immense beyond words. Then, BAM, reality sinks in.

I'm completely drained and barely functioning today due to the lack of sleep. My husband didn't get home until after 9. I pretended to be asleep so I didn't have to face him after my behavior yesterday morning.

This morning I said my usual good morning and goodbye as if nothing had transpired. I would like to act as if it was no big deal about taking the photos down and my message was simply a curtosy to let him know what happened. The tension between us is palpable. I've been waiting for him to drop the other shoe for the past several days since his project, for the most part, is complete.

Today an email was sent to the staff announcing the close of business early Friday afternoon... for a launch celebration. NFW will I be able to act as if in front of the staff with H and OW for an hour and a half. I will have to come up with an excuse. I can't do it. Everyone will see right through me and the rumor mill already in motion.

Why can't he just love me? Why can't he just see that we are both equally to blame? This is so difficult. It would be painful no matter what, but the added complexity of working together makes it so much harder.

Maybe I should schedule daily appointments with my C. I'm such a mess today.