You have alway given me strength, you fire, you hot-headed determination. Your wisdom.
I don't come here much lately, but I'm looking in more and more. I'm at a weird impass in my "success story" of late, in fact I told W I'm fed up with the lack of communication, and that she should just call her lawyer and get on with it.... She responded that she has no lawyer, and she was sorry, but we can both use some help with communication. Touche. (ouch)
T, I don't have much to say, but I want to tell you that I've recently had another epiphany. That is that after 3 years of working like hell to save my marriage, and succeeding in "busting" the divorce, and prevailing over my W's 2 (at least) lovers, I'm feeling I have now arrived back at the "turning point" where I was when my marriage took a serious header. I've cleared away the wreckage of the affairs and the lawyers and the likely divorce, and the marriage is back and solid, at least today. But, it's not a happy marriage, it's not a guaranteed marriage.
The problem is me. I am not happy. I am not happy in me. I required too much of her back then, and she ran. I now require nothing of her, and at least she's free from the pressure of being the source of my happiness. I'm still not happy, and my epiphany is that I need to find that happiness.
I've resolved to make some major changes in my life. I've defined for myself the sources of my unhappiness and I've resolved to eliminate them from my life. I had never identified them before, and simply by doing so, they've lost the power they had over me. Today, I shared this revelation with my W, and I asked for her support. She willingly gave it, and agreed with my assessment. We are working on being a team working toward mutual happiness. But, I will never loose track of the requirement that I must be happy to make her happy and to have a happy marriage. We are both working on this....
T, I'm sorry you had to come back here for our solace. I myself hardly ever come back, and when I do I look for your posts. I miss you. And I've taken special joy in not seeing you here. So now that I do, it's somewhat bittersweet. I miss you, so it's nice to chat, but I'm sorry you are feeling need of us. You are simply the strongest, most determined DBer I've ever seen. But there are things beyond your control. Like your W.
