Just checking in with you...and thinking about things. Today I have my first meeting with C...in Woodstock with one of Michele's associates. I've had one phone coaching session 3 weeks ago. H not ready to join me, but at least said, "if you think she can really help you...and I would like her, then maybe I'll join you at some point" My D (20) is holding in a lot...she runs so deep with her emotions. Anyway, she asked to see a C, so I said she could join me today, and perhaps have part of the session with the C. She was really happy about that. Said she wants help sorting, and doesn't want it from me. Hopefully this will work out. H has been ok at times, distant at times, and actually attracted to me at times the past few days. He is definately noticing my physical changes...lost 20 and am working out tons. He's impressed. We talked about having sex, but both agreed it would complicate our issues, since we've only scratched the surface. He does like to hold me once in a while, but somehow it feels sad. He only wants to talk about R when it feels easy, not forced. Oh well, I hope to get my thinking on track after my C session. I read my books, read here in the forum, talk to myself, and try to think of DBing tactics. Then, he comes hoe grouchy, I I get pouty...H notices, we talk briefly and then quickly apoligize. I could kick myself at those times...I think in my head that I am trying so hard, and then my emotions take over and I react, instead of think!! I've got to remember, "is this bringing us closer, or pushing H away?" So hard to change some of my behaviors....and I'm well educated....how frustrating. Thanks for listening/reading my disjointed thoughts. Mooka
