Bring on the Rain - Part 3

[Rob1231]

Hang in there, Sue! Sorry you are having such a rough day.

I thought I heard a little bit of guilty feelings as you talked about feeling like a potential WAS. Please realize, that is completely normal, and you don't have to beat yourself up about it. There's not a relationship here where the WAS was so unhappy they walked out, but the LBS was blissfully happy. It just doesn't work that way! A relationship is, by definition, what happens between two people - nobody gets to the brink of D without both parties contributing to that state through their actions or inactions.

There have been a number of WAS's who have come here to share their stories and seek help. The thing that always astonished me was that their feelings and fears and hopes were so very much like what we LBS's went through. In the end, this is very rarely about the "good spouse" and the "bad spouse". If anything, I would usually sum it up as "the spouse who confronts their problems and works their butt off to try to save the M" and "the spouse who blames other people and gives up on the M".

When push came to shove, YOU were the one who set out to Bust your Divorce. YOU were the one who was strong and tackled the tough issues. YOU were the one who gave your little girl a safe harbor. Don't you talk like you have failed, because you didn't. You've done everything a person could to improve yourself and your sitch, and we are very, very proud of you.