Craig, I always bring chairs to the game. What or why did she text it for? Take my temperature. She how long it would take for me to get back? So now next time I try to ask her a question she'll say well it took you hours to respond back to me about the chair.
My cousin said she was inquiring about me through text. Did he tell her the right things. NO. I asked him what he said. He told her I was living. Was he suppose to tell her the I'm F'n miserable, I have trouble functioning, I'm a walking dang zombie. Over what? For what? Over her? Why? Does that make her feel quilty or more willing to want to come back?
I don't know... I don't want her to come back because of quilt. I want her to come back because of love. The love I have for her. When she does I may have none left...
Just gets more wierd. She just text back now, thanks. Because I said I was bringing a chair. I didn't ask her to come to the game. I assumed she was. She acted pretty uninterested in her even playing. Like she didn't want her to play. I mean she didn't want her to play baseball when she started. D loves playing, and she is great at it. Shows up the boys. Now this softball thing she is getting compliments from everyone at how good she hits and fields.
She got more confidence in herself at eight then her mother ever had.
Your walk away tried to tell you about his intimacy with other woman. Man I would throw up in her face if she said that.
What's funny is when I was around she would catch herself talking to her sister about things. Things she didn't want me to know about. Even the other night when she dropped the kids off at 11, she didn't want me to see that she was dressed like a slut.
I begged for the high heels, short skirt, skimpy underwear treatment. She said I was a sick ba$tard and looked at too much porn.
I don't look at porn.
Then she brought up a story of when we were dating. I had my own apartment. I had a girlfriend that became a walk away. Girlfriend left all intimate clothing at my apartment. When I started dating my wife. I completely forgot that all that intimate clothing was in a bag in my apartment in the closet. I mean I was an irresponsible 22 year old. I didn't even look at bills or mail, I didn't know what to do with it. I kept everything that I thought was important. Put it in a garbage bag and kept it in my closet. Next to the intimate clothing. One day when her and I have been together for a few months she discovered the bag. Then she went ape nuts on me and thought I was still messing around with X girlfriend. Which I wasn't. The story always game up I will never wear that kind of stuff for you because that is what she wore for you.
AAAAAAAAahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Ok....
This is my third walk away... They came back, but it didn't last. They also came back too late after all my hurting was gone. Now this is my wife. A real walk away... Little different when you have built a life together for over a decade and have kids involved.
This is probally part of my problem. I never let my wife in because these woman in the past hurt me bad. So I always seemed detached. When really all I was doing was protecting myself from days like today.
Reminds me of another story. I was standing in the church we were married talking to the user. I knew him from baseball. He looked at me and just said Phil it gets better. He knew my wife was leaving me. He said he was married twice and both of his wives cheated on him. Now from what I know about this guy he is the nicest freaking guy on the planet, and a sharp looking man with a good job. Maybe he was Dr. Jeckly at home. Who knows... doesn't explain much. People act on their selfish feelings and do not care about the consequences.
The first walkaway went to college. After she graduated she also tried to get back together with me, but I just was not interested in her anymore. I told her I didn't have any love left for her. She hurt me too bad and I was done. She came to my apartment a few times after she graduated and I pretty much saw the same behavior from her and I believed I deserved better.
The last girlfriend walk away said she just needed space. Said she wasn't interested in prusuing a relationship with me any longer because of the debt that I had at the time. I was 21 or 22 and had about 7K in credit card debt and student loans debt. I was also on my own and just starting out. I believe she just wanted to be with other people at the time. There were other men prusuing her, and she was looking for greener grass. DAM paid for everything with that girl when we were dating. About 7 or 8 months later we got back together for a short period. Then she got a job at the other side of town. No contact. Then three months later she called and tried to get back together, but I already moved on and found someone else. Whom I ended up marrying two years later.
My parents are very supportive of me. My parents are divorced. I do talk to my step mother, and all my step aunts. They think my wife is a spoiled brat. My mom does too. My step mother was battling breast cancer and they were not there for us.
My mom is a me person. I had to constantly tell her when this just happened that I needed her to listen to me and not her problems, because I was the one in crisis. My mom is a Godly woman and would pray with me on the phone or when she would visit.
My dad. My dad is vindictive. Since he went through a divorce he told me to change the locks. Refi the house. Cut my losses now and land the ship. My step mother said the same thing. I told them I wasn't ready to do that yet.
Journal: Yesterday at the game. My wife shows up and she is in a nasty mood. I was coaching my daughters team. In the middle of the inning my wife called me over. I told her to give me a minute. When I went over to see what she wanted. She said take your son in the bushes to go the bathroom. I said why can't you take him to the portajon ten feet away from you. She said is digusting. I said well why can't you take him in the bushes I'm coaching the team. They are eight year olds and need all the help they can get. Then she said why can't you just do it. I just turned around calmly and said. Knock it off.
Then she said some comments during the game. I was instructing my daughter about something. My wife screamed out, tell him to shut up (D's name).
My son also wanted my attention and kept jumping on me while I was trying to coach. It was getting to the point of anonying and I asked him to stop. My wife yelled over leave him alone.
I finally walked over to my wife. I said stop being so nasty. She said she wasn't and it was all in my head. I said no, your being nasty and you have no reason to be.
I looked over at her other times during the game, and now I just feel sorry for her. She is a miserable person always has been, and I would react to her.
When the game was over I had to give son a horseback ride to her car. They decided they wanted to stay with their mother. I kissed them. Then my wife said she was going to my house to take her clothes from my dryer. I said it is still our house and it still our dryer. Then I shut her door and walked away. I didn't look back.
Now this morning she text me. How many kids are on D's team. I waited 20 minutes and reply back. 15. She immediately replys back Thanks. Then I wait 10 minutes and say. YW, kids be good for grandma. I love you guys.
If she doesn't want anything to do with me. Why does she constantly bother me with stupid things?
She is doing what she wants. Yet she is still miserable.
Well I had a feeling of elation after she left. I talked to the female coach. She let me beat hear ear about my wife. This coach went through a divorce. She goes Phil you seem like a really nice guy. I said I feel like the battered husband, and I'm still getting battered. She said it looks like you are the battered husband, and you can't let her do it to you anymore. I said I know I did some things wrong in the marriage, but I believe they are fixable. Most of it was personality problems. She acted like a spoiled brat and sometimes I would just snap. I said I also drank and she didn't and that was always a big problem for us.
I said I'm getting better. I'm not reacting to her. I'm not letting her get to me. I explained the LBS or WAS condition as to who is crazier. We had some good laughs.
Okay so the exes shed little if any light on this current sitch but how do you think your mom and dad might have contributed to some of your present day attitudes, etc...
Dig deep, Phil.
You are a product of the environment you were raised in the majority of your formative years.
What were you taught and how has it manifested itself in your current situation?
Phil- i've been keeping on your sitch...... and i have a few thoughts...
AmyC is right on track here...how've your parents (step too) influenced your views on things? I know in my sitch, my parents have had a tremendous influence on me, both good AND bad.....
AS for your W's behavior......perhaps someone has already said this to you, but here goes.....
You are only enabling her behavior by thinking that it's still 'our house' and 'our dryer'.....She obviously does not want an "US" so why continue to think that way? the more you enable her, the more she's oging to walk all over you and not pay attention to your boundaries.
i know it's difficult when the woman you love is acting crazy. But waiting for her to "snap out of it" is not going to get your anywhere.....except worse than you already are.
changing the locks does not imply you are giving up. It's establishing a boundary. She moved out. She no longer lives there.
unless she texts you with specific questions about the kids, don't respond to them. She can find out on her own how many kids are on your D's softball team....whether you are the coach or not.
Stop enabling her.
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
My parents are divorced. My dad remarried and has been married for thrity years.
My mom never remarried, but has been engaged. She broke it off with the man.
Perhaps I do have some violence issue in my past that have come out against my wife. Which states why my wife says I'm abusive. It's just funny because I was talking to my buddy about this. Our spouses can beat on us, punch us, verbally abuse us, and if we do one little thing like push them out of our way we become the woman beaters. I threw a couch pillow at my wife when we were dating and the corner caught her wrong and gave her a black eye. She was calling me a woman beater. I threw the pillow at her because she was yelling at me and I just wanted her to stop.
The pizza incident. She was screaming at me. I was tired. It was late and I was trying to get some dinner. She was on the phone b|tching about me to her girlfriend and saying all kinds of horrible things. That's why I jammed a piece of pizza in her face.
My wife has a knack for never knowing when to quit. Like I said in previous post. I did fight back at times or after the millionth time of not being able to take it anymore.
I mean it just gets old when someone is in your face screaming at you all the time about stupid stuff.
My wife would flip out on me about me watching something on TV because she thought it was too sexual or something. She would flip out if I left crumbs in the sink. She would flip out if I walked in the house with saw dust on my feet. She would flip out over everything.
I would generally state that I'm a passive person when it comes to fighting. I avoid fighting at all costs. Even physical fights I would avoid at all costs.
Really the more I reflect on these things and her behavior. I don't want her to come back. It is nice being alone. Be quiet. Not worrying about pleasing someone else. Not dealing with the nasty comments. Not dealing with the constant verbal abuse. No more tit for tat.
You know I think I was just treating her like she was treating me insult for injury and that's why we are were we are now.
She was a control freak, and I didn't let her control me. When she figured out I wasn't going to be controlled she gave up. Now she has total control over me.
Will I loose my house? Will she file for child support? Will she divorce me? Will she take me for half the equity of the house? Will she do this? Will she do that?
Really Amy, I can't even look into tomorrow. Yes I do love the woman. I believe she is wrestling with things inside her all her life and I'm the target.
Comment she made. My mom treats my dad like sh|t and he never called her a b|tch. However dad would vent to me about it. He would say it under his breath. Well that's because we are different. You didn't marry your daddy.
Really I don't know why I'm hear pouring my feelings all out.
Yes I know I figured that out right before she left.
Here is why I let her do the laundry. She hasn't filed for any child support. We have shared custody. She hasn't asked me for any money. I gave her 5K before she left. I pay for her car, her insurance, and her health insurance. She hasn't taken anything else from the house. She said if I changed the locks she was going to take the washer. I said take it.
The other day she also said she was taking my daughters dressers. But I do not think she should be entilted to them. They were over 500 a piece.
Am I stopping the child support? We are not proceeding on the divorce. She wants me to do the work, and I'm not doing it. She wanted a no fault no contest divorce.
Perhaps I'm only delaying the enivitable. However she did state to me before she left that we may end up like her Aunt and Uncle that were seperated for a year.
She said she wanted a divorce since the first year of marriage but never had the courage. She said she lost all of her self esteem. She never worked while we were married.
We were married young. She has been with me since she was 17. She just wanted to go out and swallow the big girl pill. However I don't understand why she wants to take me down in the process.
We had problems. All marriages have problems, but I was always willing to walk the hard road of marriage. I still am.
Yes I'm going through hell. I would walk through hell for her. I would do the same for my kids. I don't think I would say that about anybody else.
Maybe she doesn't know I'm in hell. Because I believe if there is any amount of love in her she would end all this now. She doesn't know how, or she isn't ready.
Phil, the only way to the other side of this is THROUGH it. I tried every short cut I could think of but I can assure you, I was always delivered right back to point A. The only way to get across the mountain is to start putting one foot in front of the other. One day at a time.
Your past made you.
Learning how and why - and dealing accordingly - is necessary.
This - THIS HELL - is shaping you, Phil.
And God is working this horrific time for your good.
Looking back is sometimes necessary for you to move forward.
Idle if you will.
But know that God WILL let you do just that.
And you will get nowhere fast.
So it's your call, Phil.
All the things you are bitching about are symptoms.
[ She just wanted to go out and swallow the big girl pill. However I don't understand why she wants to take me down in the process.
if she truly wants to "swallow the big girl pill" stop feeling like you need to pay for her things. CHild support..yeah...i get. But everything else? her car? car insurance? She wants to be independent, but doesn't want the responsibility......
she's taking you down because you are choosing to let her. In my entire process, i've learned one very important lesson. All of life is a choice. she choose to walk away. you are choosing to enable her choice. you can choose differently
look, i know you love her and feel guilty because you think you pushed her away. I get it. I grapple with that daily.
If you truly love her, this can be a life-long lesson for her... so she can see what true love is....to see how much you truly love her.
it's not easy.
i'll say it again.
stop enabling her.
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
