Sorry the last note sounded aggresiive. What we failed to warn you on is that while a) you be loving to your wife you b) don't trust her as far as you can throw her
Remember she is giong to take things back to the OM and he is going to drive this...HE will tell her to use the letter to BURY you. You can't afford to be writing up drug usage and stuff in a letter...she will take that to the court and you are toast.
What I also wanted to say was, STOP talkigna bout the relationship. Do NOT trust your instincts...when things are good, instincts are good to trust, when tehy are BAD, instincts are the WORST THING you can rely on.
Own what you have done, acknowledge it with her verbally if the discussion INVITES it..if she's being cold, don't pressure her to talk about yoru R. If she seems at ALL open then toss her a LITTLE and see if she takes it...this is a lot like fishing...you must be careful not to scare away the fish.
Give her a bit at a time so you don't scare her off...
If she nibbles at ALL, throw her something. Her asking what you were doing with teh pastor was great, she's curious what you are up to...the OM will HATE that. lol
If it was a lawyer I would say its not a good sign, but there isn't any reason why someone 100% committed to leaving would ask why you are meeting with your pastor. She's interested...if she shows ANY intrest. SHARE with her...don't charge after her...answer back calmly and casually with a bit of fun in your tone...
WIFE : What are you meeting with our Pastor for?
HUSBAND : I had talked to him about some children's programs that I am volunteering for...nothing major. The Pastor's a great guy, so the more time I can spend learning from him the better. I get to coach some kids basketball games...it's gonna be fun!
And then LEAVE...don't be rude, but don't give her teh whole line...walk out and leave her curious for more..mabye even dont' mention what you will be diong...just mention he had some ideas for some work he wanted yuou to do...
YOu get hte idea..you BAIT her and wait for HER to bite...she was biting that day when she asked about what you were doing. I think you realise now that "none of your business" wasn't the right answer. YOu want to let her leave interaction wtih you feeeling BETTER and even CURIUOS or INTERESTED in you.
Dont' forget you are her child's father, she is giong to be drawn to you if you are a mature guy and parent...she has way too much pressure on her right now NOT to consider a reconcilliation.
BE intersting, learn to play piano, whatever, do stuff that you thinks he would like. I selected youth programs at your church because she had indicated she was religious and you have a young child - it seemed a good fit. You are the best judge of what to get into there.
Just leave her alone to do her thing while you get more interesting an mature by the second...add community pressure and a child you have togehtter a nd a black listed OM and she's really gonig to wrestle with the idea of this affair...that's a lot of weight on her.
Make sure if she shows interest in coming back that you do NOT discourage her and you do NOT pressure her...just act CASUAL but warm to the idea :
WIFE: I have had some thoughts on the divorce. I am not 100% sure I am doing the right thing.
HUSBAND : Well, you can always speak with our pastor about it, he's always willing to talk to either of us if we need someone to listen. He's a great counsellor I think. If you want, just make an appointment with him. I would reccomend him for sure.
WIFE : OK, you think he might be able to help us.
HUSBAND : He's been an inspiration to me, I was miserable until I spoke with him, now I am qutie happy. He's a life saver. If you need his number just let me know. I gotta run. I will be dropping by the Pastor's tomorrow, I can get you a card if you want. I gotta run..later
Something like that, you just are warm, loving, but NOT SMOTHERING...i dont' scare her away here, i show her I want her to call, but i dont' fall at her feet thanking her either...just be cool...women dont' like men who blubber at their feet.
Just be cool and friendly...helupful, INSPIRING..that's what dbing does..it inspires your partner to reconcile...just do everything you can to be the PERSON that SHE wants to BE AROUND...the rest is easy
