Quote: Well we're back from the 5 day family trip to Colorado. We were all nervous about the outcome, but overall...I DO think it went pretty well.
Summary: Day 1: all were polite..tho tension thick. H lost his cool at the airport&condo (blames me when problems occur, cuz it's my job to plan) Then he cooled off and said it would be fine.
Day 2: H and I took 1 hour walk...H started to talk of R and wanted to take quality time each day to begin the process. I listened more carefully than I ever have. He wants to review the last 5+ years (married 24)...and why we both let our R drift. He was kind all day...much less tension with family, more positive.
Day 3: (Our actual 24th Anniversary) Took a really long walk 4-5miles. More talk initiated by H about R. Hit some hard topics....I accepted much more responsibility....and said I have a lot to work on too. He seemed to like that the focus is on both....not just him. We also talked about sex, kids, jobs, superficial stuff that gets in the way. H initiated a simple hug and toast at night...I said to our 24th....he said to 27 years since we've been together. Good family meal, his sense of humor coming back. In bed, he offered a back rub....he was very affectionate...(we haven't been intimate for 10-12 weeks.
Day 4: Another long, long walk.....more talk. Covering lots of areas. Nothing about OW....just about our issues. Mostly about the whys and when things eroded. I, too, have issues to improve on (we all do) and talked to him about some of my action plans. He was positive. Had a good day with kids....long mountain hike...sometimes tension between H & Son...but I try to stay out of it. That night we both woke up at 2am and talked until 4am....I got another backrub...and some intimacy...it was nice but he is guarded....said he doesn't want to confuse our issues with full on sex. Wants to feel love and passion before making that step. Also said that this is the ony relationship he is focused on (when I gently asked about OW)....no more of those questions from me, I've decided. He told kids that "we" have been communicating about our R and have made some progress. They said they could tell there was less tension and were glad we were communicating.
Day 5: (Yesterday)...had a family walk...spent morning packing up. Some tension, but overall, pleasant. He read small section from DR on stages of Marriage (5 phases) He thought info was practical....didn't buy into the idea you choose love. He's waiting to feel it again. Arrived at airport...H started listening to voicemail, etc....felt his wall coming back up. He was polite, but not as warm to me or the kids. Got home, he seemed stressed again....heavy sighs at night....before sleep. Seems the home envrionment brings tension.
He left early this morning for work, left a brief note and called on his way in. Back to pleasantries, but I am thinking about all the "what ifs" I feel we made 2+ steps forward....starting from 0 last week. I need to re-read the book on my behavior. I need to start focusing on the positives....and think about my 180 behavior.
Thanks for letting me go on and on.
Mooka
sounds like a great trip...love that he proffesed "this" being the only r he's working on!!
getting back to the grind of homelife and work can bring back some tension and stress...try not to get caught up in it..
sounds like the walks were very productive..is there a way you can keep up with the walks even while at home? even if just a short walk after dinner...it's awesome that h is initiating these r talks and all the more excellent that your learning to listen (sure is hard to just listen isn't it!)
welcome to piecing..you will find lot's of great insite and support here!!
