I think I've found the forum to inspire me to see the positives and continue to move in a forward direction. I have a few posting in MLC the last 2 weeks....mostly responces to others and asking for support. LL inspired me to start my own thread. Thanks....here's the brief(?)overview: Me: 48 H: 52 D:20 S:18 Married: 24 yrs H: distant last 5-9 months Confronted him w/OW Memorial week-end (ironic or what) Both kids know his choice to become involved with OW...they overheard the outburst....UGLY. Still not sure if EA or PH...but he confessed that OW was the wrong choice in our M.
S graduated early June, extended family around....very awkward week or so. We've all been walking around on eggshells and tons of tension just below surface. The whole family has had 2 outbursts in the last 3 weeks....UGLY confrontations....H offered to leave, kids pleaded with him to stay. He did.
We just came home from a 5 day family vacation to Colorado ( a plan we had committed to for S's graduation) We were all nervious about the trip. If any of you are interested in the details and summary of the trip, I just posted it in the MLC section...would transfer it here if I knew how. In summary, H finally brought up R on our long daily walks in the mountains. He is sharing his thoughts and issues of himself and his view of our M the last 5+ years. He is a committed father and family man.....loves the kids to death. He thinks we BOTH have let our R erode....took no time to really work on US much....everything in his mind was routine, maintenance...compromise. He points to the last 5 yrs, cuz that's when his job took off...I quit my work (18 yrs)...he travelled much more....we had agreed he would bring home the bacon....I would manage the homefront. We did it fine.....but H thinks I put him way down on my priority list.. He has made some harsh points...(I do have my issues)...and was in more agreement than I think he expected me to be. I'm usually very defensive when he's critical.....that's one of the 180s I working on.
Anyway....I've been in a lot of pain since early April.... found this website and 2 books DR & DB. I've had one phone coaching session and another C session plannned for next week. H said early on he would go to C and work to see if we had anything to work toward. He, of course keeps putting it off...thinks we can do alot of the work ourselves, tho his first willingness to really talk was this last vacation. And we did talk everyday....at length. He initiated the R talks. I am trying soooo hard to LISTEN CAREFULLY (another problem of mine...w/o interrupting). I am trying to behave more supportively, lighten up, etc.
I really like the ideas LL has had about 3 positives each day.....I can easily get so caught up in the negatives....and lose myself. Yes, my self esteem has really taken a blow. I am exercising everyday, back to a great weight, doing prayerful meditaion, looking into volunteer/ job oppotunities to utilize my past career skills...which have been shelved. Okay....enough already about me and my situation.
My 3 positives for today: 1. I am in less pain each day 2. H said this is the only R he is working on 3. After our family vacation, seems as tho we are-2 steps forward ( before trip we were at 0....so much tension!)
Thanks for visiting my post.....any advice welcome at any time. I really think this website and the DR/DB books are a great start for me in a pro-active way. Trying to get stronger each day....
