W confessed to me yesterday....Help....

[sage]

Hi Kevin --
I'm sorry that you found out that your w. had a pa. I think I saw from another post of yours that you had suspected this.

Even though you did have suspicions, I know from my own experience that there's nothing to prepare you for the heart stopping, heart breaking confirmation. Let me say this -- and it's not intended to be trite or dismissing -- it WILL get better. Time truly does help heal this wound. It won't be "linear" -- you won't just keep feeling better and better -- there will be stops and starts -- but eventually, I think you'll find some relief from your anger, resentment, etc.

I have worked so hard dbing over the last 6 months, to get to this point but now I feel so much pain that I just dont know what to do.

I firmly believe that your DB'ing got you to the point where your w. could confess to you. This is huge.

W did break it off. She moved with me to Georgia, she says that she hasnt had any contact with him since she told him that she was going to save her marriage.
She is committed to save us now. <snip>

I need help to save my marriage again..
I am tired and I feel like that she really needs to prove to me that she wants to save our marriage before I can even start to try to save it.

I know this may be hard to see in your pain but your w's confession, her breaking off with om on her own, her stated recommitment to your m. is huge. I know that you are feeling unbelievable pain right now but please, do not underestimate the power of what your w. has recently done -- her actions speak VOLUMES. She has shown you that she wants to work on your m., Kevin. This a bold and wonderful step. Use it to move forward. (not to have a pity party but you can poke around in "piecing" and see that what your w. has done is not "the majority" around here. Perhaps that comforts you a bit?)

As for forgiveness, well, Michele has a great article posted on forgiveness. You can also go to www.marriagebuilders.com for some good info on infidelity. the book "After the Affair" is also good and can help you get a handle (both of you) on what the other is feeling. I've also found that listening to audiotapes by Jack Kornfield and Pema Chodron on Buddhism REALLY helped me develop some compassion and a sense of forgiveness.

I know it likely doesn't feel this way, Kevin, but you guys are REALLY starting off on the right foot.

Sage