She's breaking of her EA...supposedly

[schism]

Okay, I haven't checked-in in a few days, but a lot has happened.

Quick review, I took a week's vacation to stay home and watch the kids last week, while she went up north for a "head clearing" vacation. One where she could "get away from [me], the OOG...everything".

So she comes back from vacation [Saturday], feeling great. Very upbeat. I was happy for her. She was thankful to me for helping her take the week off.

The next day [Sunday], her mood was waning, but she was still feeling good. I went for a run in the morning, then took the kids to my parents for the afternoon and returned in the evening. She was still in an okay mood.

Monday, I went to work. She had a therapy session that night and was going to drop the kids off at her parents. I was supposed to go straight home after work, but decided to go see the kids and her before going home. I was in a pretty angry mood and she could tell. But we talked for a little bit and she went to her session and I went home. After she got home, I apologized for my behavior and we had a good long talk. I got the feeling she was coming round a bit.

Tuesday, I went to work. As an network administrator, I spend a lot of time on the Internet. I've been online for a long time and I've seen just about everything. I was still angry this particular morning and I remembered that during the chat that I caught her in, she had gone to photobucket.com. So I went fishing there and found her photobucket account....under her maiden name (nice touch).

It wasn't password protected and was viewable by anyone on the internet, but the site was definitely intended for the OOG to share photos with. There were tons of 'regualar' photos and videos and quite a few of his. I found a couple of videos from her, in the nude, that she'd taken in our bed, for him. She had many of his videos on there...one of him pleasuring himself (that one was a keeper).

So, I wasn't surprised when I saw this, but I sure was with what I found when I looked closer. While she was on vacation up north, supposedly clearing her head, she had taken some provocative photos of herself. They were posted on the site and timestamped during the time she was up there. Boy I feel like a doormat.

Later that day, she had a Pysch eval so I agreed to take off work and watch the kids. She could tell something was bothering me, but I didn't want to talk about it yet. She kept prying and prying until I finally gave in. I told her everything I found and of course broke down.

She went off to her session and I took off into town (had a nice talk with her mom). I returned after she'd come back and we sat and talked for a couple hours. The Psychiatrist was pretty blunt apparently and told her that this EA had to end. Now, W is pushing for MC. She doesn't want our marriage to end over something "stupid". (It sure doesn't feel stupid to me.) She said that she is going to end the EA, but "doesn't know how". I can understand the strong feelings she has and I'm being as patient and understanding as I can. This EA didn't jut happen. It happened because she felt she was missing something in her life that this EA fulfilled. That she was feeling unloved and unwanted, opened the door for the EA. That doesn't excuse her choice though. I've often missed that feeling, but I've always remained committed. I've never strayed even though I've had temptations.

My trust in her commitment was already gone but I still had my trust in her word. Now that is gone too. I'm halfway out the door, my marriage is hanging by a thread, but I'm not giving up on her. As much as I'm hurting, she still needs my support.

Today (Wednesday), I called and told her that I have an MC appt arranged for Thursday. On the phone she told me that she was in the middle of writing the OOG to let him know what's going on. I don't trust that she's telling the truth, but I have to believe this for now.

So, bottom line is that I've had to hit her over the head 4 times with a club to make her see that this EA is destroying our family. That I'm not sure if I want this to work anymore and that it's over unless she can end the EA.

More to post later.