Is it true?

[poet]

Stella,

Thank you for your post to my thread this morning. Just wanted to clue you in, if you haven't read mine recently ... I decided last night myself to move back home. You may want to check out my recent posts.

hugs,
S

[stella_k]

trying to resolve anything while living apart like this is like trying to catch a greased pig--pretty unproductive.

(((((SMW))))), what a great analogy !

Well, update:

H called.

We spoke about D's acceptance (he brought it up, probably was trying to keep to a safe topic). I was friendly and calm, he sounded nice and warm, called me my pet name again. Then I asked: what's with OW?

H: it's pretty bad...
Me: How bad exactly?
H: Well, I couldn't manage to stay away from her... It's like heroin addiction.
Me: I know, it must be really hard. So what did you tell her?
H: I told her I'm going to work on my M. If you still want me to.
Me: What is it YOU want, H?
H (sounds very childlike): I just want my home... It feels so good when I'm talking to you. It feels SAFE . I thought you were going to tell me it's over this time (Yesterday I yelled that he was given a deadline and he cannot extend it, terrible DBing, I know).
Me: I felt so yesterday, I thought I couldn't take it, but today I'm still standing. And I'm sorry I yelled at you yesterday. I was mad, but I shouldn't have called you names.
H: YOU don't have to be sorry!
H: BTW, you were right, Ow was there in the room with me when you called. It was the first time she came over since I've returned.
Me: I wish you'd have told me. It wouldn't have been that bad if you'd try and tell me the truth.
H (sounds relieved): I'm sorry.

Then we just spoke about D17.
Oh, and H called twice after that, just for a moment, with small bits of news.
It looks like I'm going home after all.

I must admit, though, that yesterday was the WORST day since Bomb 1. I couldn't sleep, I literally felt sick, the hollow feeling in my stomack has returned (I haven't got any panic attacks since being on meds).

Was it because my expectations were running so high recently?

I'd never imagined it'd be like this after 2 years! I should have been detached and calm and... and CALM.

Oh well. That's all for now.

(((((((((Everyone)))))))).

[JenInVen]

Hi Stella

That was a great convo....you did seem calm, honest and straightforward. I think that your H telling you the truth is a very good sign. As long as there are no secrets than the R with the spider will fade away.

How many more days!!!??? Make sure you stock up on Raid!

[One Day]

WOW Stella- how open and honest of your H to tell you what's going on, and how brave of him to risk telling you when he must be really scared to lose you. You've both come so far- I really see that conversation as one of the most positive things I've read on your sitch!

(((((Stellitsa-mou)))))

L. xx

[addie]

Stella,
The convo with your H went really well. He was honest with you. Think about how HARD that must have been for him after the previous day's convo.
I'm so proud of you for getting right back on track!!!

[W2G]

Open communication is the key to a healthy marriage. The fact that you and your H could speak so freely with each other after having a blowout yesterday... shows there has been personal growth from both of you since the bomb.. there is still a lot of work ahead but there has been movement... so keep moving forward.

Hugs,
W2G

[happynow]

Stella,

That sounds so positive!! I'm sure the day before was so hard on you but it does sound like your H is telling you the truth & he does want you to be together.

You can do this, you have come so far!!! Stay strong!!!

(((HUGS)))

[stella_k]

((((Jen)))) ((((Addie)))),((((Lisa)))),((((W2G)))),((((nlt)))),WOW!

I just came home and found all these wonderful super-positive messages! Feels good !

I also see the convo as a great improvement, but it was with high hopes that I came here and from now on I should lower my expectations. Patience and more patience...

There was a great post on MLC resources, something about WAS been addicted to OW, I wanted to reread it and it wouldn't open. Then I tried 6 stages of MLC and posts written by those in MLC and neither would open. Did it happen to any of you or is it just me and a piece of junk I call comp?

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

((((Jen)))) ((((Addie)))),((((Lisa)))),((((W2G)))),((((nlt)))),WOW!

I just came home and found all these wonderful super-positive messages! Feels good !

I also see the convo as a great improvement, but it was with high hopes that I came here and from now on I should lower my expectations. Patience and more patience...

There was a great post on MLC resources, something about WAS been addicted to OW, I wanted to reread it and it wouldn't open. Then I tried 6 stages of MLC and posts written by those in MLC and neither would open. Did it happen to any of you or is it just me and a piece of junk I call comp?

Stella---

First of all, {{{{{HUGS}}}}} for handling phone call with H so well! You are wonderful and doing great!!!

Now, I went to check out the MLC stuff, and I am getting the same thing--a redirect to the main forum page. I am hitting notify for this post and hopefully a mod can check in and let us know what is going on. I was thinking today, after re-reading DR last night, that I needed to further examine the MLC threads, too!! UGH! figures!

As for high hopes, let me pass on something my pastor said to me on Sunday, when I told him I needed prayers to deal with my anger about H and his ignoring the kids. He told me that I was always my husband's source of accountability, but right now, I cannot hold him accountable. He told me that dealing with disappointment and anger will be easier when I learn to NOT expect anything from him, but to continue to pray for him to accept and step into the place of leadership that God intends for him in our family.

It has definitely given me a new perspective for dealing with my H.

SMW

[stella_k]

As for high hopes, let me pass on something my pastor said to me on Sunday, when I told him I needed prayers to deal with my anger about H and his ignoring the kids. He told me that I was always my husband's source of accountability, but right now, I cannot hold him accountable. He told me that dealing with disappointment and anger will be easier when I learn to NOT expect anything from him, but to continue to pray for him to accept and step into the place of leadership that God intends for him in our family.

Thank you, (((((SMW)))))), I love it! I wish I could finally learn not to expect anything from H, TRULY, not just pretend that I don't have any expectations.