You have been DBing for a long time, and I have not followed all your other threads, but you can get past these things if you decide to put in the effort. Since I haven't read your threads, maybe you can provide a link or a brief synopsis here, but if you've been applying the DB principles for 6 months, is there a possibility that her admission of infidelity is a positive sign of progress? How long has her A been going on and how long have you suspected (or did you suspect)? Why do you think she told you about it rather than continuing to deny?
Many DBers are trying to recover from affairs as part of their efforts to repair their M. Some post on this forum, but you will also see some of them (the ones that are farther along) posting in the piecing section.
FYI, my W had 3 affairs over a 2 year period ending last fall. We have been recovering ever since. It hasn't been easy for either of us. All the turmoil you feel is normal, and unfortunately, the best I have to offer you is that time will help you heal.
You might want to read through this excellent thread on this forum, which also deals with many of the issues you are currently struggling with: eskb thread
I believe there can be trust again, but it will take a long time to get there, I imagine. It's been almost a year since the last physical contact between my W and her last OM, and I still don't trust her. There is more trust now than before, but it is not where it used to be, and I'm not sure I want it to go back to that stage. Before I knew about the As, the idea that my W would betray me was simply unthinkable. The problem with that type of thinking is that it denies the fact that we're all wired for affairs, the temptations will always be there, and it is naive to assume that faithfulness doesn't require hard work. Trust will require you to understand the reasons for the A. For me, it also depends somewhat on my belief that my W understands her vulnerabilities, her choices and her willingness to construct appropriate boundaries between herself and friends/co-workers of the opposite sex.
While you're working on trust and other issues stemming from the As, however, you'll have to continue your work on your WAW, if applicable.
You are not to blame for your W's choices. Although your W may have had her feelings hurt by your attraction to pornography, that didn't CAUSE her to cheat. Neither did your W's failure to meet your physical needs CAUSE you to look at porn. You both could have made other choices. Figuring out exactly who is to blame for what seems unproductive to me. Rather, accept whatever is your responsibility (your 50% of the M) and hope that, in time, your W will also accept hers. Learn to make new choices.
In the meantime, focusing on improving yourself is an excellent way to keep your mind from dwelling on the A. You are obviously feeling somewhat sorry for yourself (deservedly so), but try to keep in mind that your W will probably not see your moping as attractive.
