NH, I don't think it's like you describe as the "I'm single" vibes. It's somewhere in-between. I would agree with you a year ago, when there was great distance in the M. There's much more connection privately, and more connection publicly than a year ago.
People in the dance community know that we're a couple. She tells people that we're living together, or that she's in a committed R. She just doesn't want to use the M word in public.
You raise a good point though. I wonder if she fears she will lose something if she proclaims that she's M. I wonder if she fears males in the dance community will treat her differently, and won't dance with her, or in the way that she likes if she proclaims her marital status.
The salsa community tends to be younger and youth-oriented. There is some pressure (particularly for women) to be pretty and fit. The ballroom community isn't as body-image focused, but being attractive and fit always helps.
Maybe this issue is more reflective of how she wants to be treated by males in the dance community, and her fear that it will be lost if she proclaims her marital status.
I agree with advice I've received that I should stand my ground on hiding my M status in my own home.
I don't think I'm going to confront her on this issue. I've let her know where I stand with the party. I think continuing to work on building positives in the M is the way to go. Hopefully, as the connection strengthens privately, than the public connection will follow.
At some point, it may be important to let her know that I would value being public about our marital status, and would hope that I could have the freedom to do so. This may be the way to phrase it rather than demanding it from her.
CL
CL
Last edited by Concerned_Listener; 07/16/0804:38 PM.
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
