Withdrawal of OM and coping

[lost3031]

I feel like I could have written some of these posts myself! I am currently in a relationship with OM which started after H and I separated 5 months ago. For so long, H wanted nothing to do with me and now suddenly he seems like he has finally made the decision to be proactive in reconciling. Now I'm torn between them both - I still love H and a part of me would very much like to give 100% back to him. However, sitch with OM is complicated - we've been friends for 4 years and always had a deep connection. In many ways, he makes me feel things that H never did. (I guess same feelings, just much stronger.) H is my best friend and I guess you could say that's how I feel about him - even though he is attractive, I've never had strong passionate feelings for him. The last 4 years, I wondered what it would be like to be with OM and now that I know(even though he's far from perfect), I almost wish that I didn't.

At this point, H and I are beginning to do the "dating" thing again and are looking into MC. Part of me looks forward to reconciling and the other part is really sad about it. I don't know if I'm just scared of letting go of H and losing all that I've ever known or if going home is really what I want. Maybe that's why I haven't ended things with OM yet - because I just don't know. It's so difficult when both men are completely committed to me and yet I can't completely commit to either one of them...

What I'm saying is, WDID - I can completely understand where you're coming from. This is a difficult and confusing road we're on and it stinks that we are even on it. Hopefully we can help each other through it.

Sandi2 said some very powerful things about the lack of "feelings" that you're having and knowing what your responsibilities are. This is the same boat I am in. I know what I should be doing (i.e. returning to H and giving him 100%) but right now I just don't know if that's what I 100% want and the feelings for OM just get muddled up in the mess somewhere - or maybe they are the big muddle in the mess, I don't know. Anyway, I commend you for being ahead of me in the game - at least you've left OM and are committed at this point to making things work with your H. I look forward to the day I am able to do that...