It feels worse. Like I'm stoking the flames and not in a good way.
Do I still force that conversation if she says she doesn't want to talk on Saturday? I did not see the good of our conversation.
I DO have a habit of focusing on her, but that is when things get heated. Then I have to come back and say that I wasn't perfect. I'm sure that things come out as what SHE is doing wrong. I have to keep the focus on us. On what WE did wrong. How only WE can repair it.
Don't know if I'll get to to talk about that stuff.
Again, speaking points to cover, anyone?
H4H,
It doesn't "feel" like you did anything, because you did a 180, dude. And it doesn't feel right because in the past, you were too supplicating and too enabling, and now you've stood up to her, and you've let her know that YOU are now setting the agenda, not her.
Yes, you insist upon the conversation.
Yes, you acknowlege your contributions to the state of the marriage, pre-affair. But under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you take ANY responsibility for her decision to have an affair. Whenever she tries to put things back on you, you say "I understand, and I've already apologized for that. But that didn't give you the right to have an affair," or " . . . but having an affair wasn't the right way to go about it."
H4H, you acknowledge ALL of the marital issues, hint at your growth and self-awareness of them, and assure her that you are willing to discuss ANY and ALL of them . . . AFTER she ends her affair and returns to work on your marraige.
But since she's the one who broke her vows, she gets to go first.
