With my H's first affair, I call this one the "baby affair" because he had it a few months after the second child was born. (It was an EA that lasted only a month and but was starting to turn into a PA when he ended it). This took me 5 years to work through. But, my H felt I never got over it. The affair always hung over our marriage.... and I verbally tore him to shreds for two years after he confessed it to me. And he confessed it a year after it happened.... so it was really drawn out and just this unhappy cloud that hung over us forever.
The second affair, which I call the MLC "exit affair" because my H filed for D and insisted "the marriage was over" (He spent 20K to end it! And then decided he wanted to reconcile), has taken a lot less healing time. I'd say maybe a good year. I think the only thing that sometimes haunts me is dreams. I'll have dreams of him, maybe once every 1 or 2 months, leaving and I wake up remembering the pain of that.
I think it has been much easier to heal from because I learned to detach and "let go" of my marriage. I didn't expect reconciliation and he had convinced me that the M was definitely ending. During the D I learned to create a great life without him, I learned to let go of any anger by appreciating the history of the marriage (both good and bad times), I learned to love him enough to let him go and want him to do whatever was going to make him happy. And I learned that I could be happy no matter what and that I'm a really funny, loving, supportive, fun and fabulous person that any guy would be very lucky to be married to.
Yeah, it could definitely happen again. My H could meet someone, decide to start a relationship with them, and leave the marriage. And if this happened I'd go though that pain again and feel like a walking voodoo doll with knives stuck everywhere and blood pouring out... but I know in the long run I would be fine. I'll have a great life regardless. I will always make the best of it and find things to love and appreciate.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
