Mulesqb - Can the sun shine on a donkey's a$$?

[mulesqb]

Hey KJ - read your entire thread last night. You are incredible. We are in very similar sitches. The weird thing is that my W has no interest in any kind of physical contact right now. I know you had some with H and felt badly afterwards, like he took advantage of the sitch, but I don't know what's worse. I can tell you it's been over 4 months now for us and it is killing me. The thing is that I don't even think about anyone else. I want to ML to her. I want to so badly and she doesn't even show a hint of ever getting the urge back with me.

I've heard her make a lot of comments about my S14 friends and how handsome they are. She heard some of their conversation and wants to be considered the "hot" Mom. I think there is something sick about that.

All she tells me is that I lost too much weight. I am 6'3" and 185 pounds now - used to be 210. Every one of my friends tells me I look great and she is in some kind of sick competition with me. Hang in there - personally from what I read I think your H needs to see what life is like without you and he will come running back - but I am certainly no expert. I want some sep with my W right now but unfortunately my hands are tied in that regard. She is going away this weekend with the neighbor's W and while I am scared to death about what she might do in her current state of mind - I am also really looking forward to a few days without her around. Me and the boys have planned a big in-house sleep over. the 4 of us are going to sleep in the basement (yes- with Duncan!) and watch movies and play games - and they want me to watch wrestling with them. We're also going to eat tons of junk food and not feel guilty about it!

[mulesqb]

Hey FIB - For some reason - she has really backed off the legal sep and any D talk for now. Who knows - I'm sure she'll mention it again soon, but it has been over a month since she has.

I did meet with a L. Just to be safe - i know not to leave the house. There's part of me that does want to change the locks and the combo to the garage this weekend before she gets back...that was just a stab at a little humor - need to laugh!!

[mulesqb]

It will be very rare to find a specific hormonal or chemical issue that one can 'blame' everything on. HOWEVER....it DOES behoove you to suggest that...during this tough time..she should get a good physical examination. They can test T4, T3 and TSH (thyroid hormones)....possibly even FSH (follice stimulating hormone) to see if she is approaching menopause. Don't hang on this as an answer. If something turns up, it may simply make her less 'rollercoasterish'. Sounds like, at the least, she would benefit from an antidepressant and possible a mood stabilizer.

I agree FIB - and that's all I was looking for - less rollercoasterish (I'm sending that word into wikipedia) . It's weird - right now the dog has seemed to stabilize her. We have had some very normal days since Sunday. LAst night I organized a scrimmage for my S10 baseball team. She didn't come to it but she asked for me to call her afterwards so we can meet for pizza. She came and actually stayed and talked normally - it was AWESOME! She also told me that the neighbor's W called her and asked her if she could for dinner and my W actually said NO - it was a July MIRACLE!!! Bang the drums and pots - wasn't it just Bastille Day!

Seriously though - I am noticing a little bit of a change in her - not so much the scowl on her face. Keeps saying how happy she is that we got Duncan.

[mulesqb]

Mules....I dedicate this link to you. It was originally posted by my friend cire2. When things get dark and gloomy...and you think you've failed as a husband and father....come back to this link....and watch it....and know...you weren't.

God bless. You're doing great. Frank
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gm7XwtIJdM

BTW Bill....when was the last time someone told you you're a wonderful man? Congratulations on your new life with deb. Thanks for your friendship, time and concern.....for me..and my children thank you too.

Hey FIB - Thanks for this link so much. This is why i couldn't post last night. Got me very emotional. When i went to bed last night I promised myself that today I was getting back to normal. It worked - I feel great and definitely stronger than yesterday. Sorry I freaked on everyone. I guess when reading back my posts about some of the things that went on I saw some things that I was just letting happen at home that should have been addressed a lot firmer than I did. I am now very aware of it - and won't let any of them happen again without a proper reaction from me.

[mulesqb]

Journal - My S10 has been struggling in baseball. Think he's been on the verge of quitting but stays because i coach. We had a scrimmage against the other travel team in our town last night. We are the A team and they are the B team. He was very nervous about playing them so when his turn came up to bat he told everyone he wasn't feeling well and wouldn't get up. Some of the coach's tried to make him get up. i told them to layoff him.

When our team went out in the field he was left alone on the bench. I went over and talked to him and told him that I knew he really was feeling fine and that it was ok to be a little down on himself because he hasn't been doing that well. I told him it's ok if he doesn't want to play baseball and that he should only play if he wants to, not because of me, I only coach to be with him buit we could find something else to do together. I told him that every athlete in the world goes through slumps. I told him that I really wanted to see him pitch tonite but if he wasn't up for it tonite, we'll do it some other night. I told him I was proud of him for being on the team and showing up when he didn't feel very good about himself and supporting his teammates. Told him that was more important to me than any batting averages, won/loss records or any scores. I told him if he felt like going home i could get the other coaches to fill in for me the rest of the night - I asked him to think about what he wanted to do.

5 minutes later he came over and asked if I was really going to pitch him tonite. I showed him the lineup card. He said he would do it. He got up at the plate and struck out, but handled it well. Then he pitched 2 innings. He pitched really well and all his great teammates were patting him on the back afterwards. When we got to the car after the game he hugged me and said thanks. We met my W for pizza after the game. Honestly I think he enjoys the breakfast, lunch or dinner before or after the game more than the game itself. He did ask me if my W came to the game and saw him pitch. Apparently she told him she was going to try and catch some but didn't.

Anyway - all in all a good night. My W and I laid on the kitchen floor together and hung out with Duncan while the kids were in bed. She did bring up her therapy session from yesterday. She told me that the C is linking a lot of her current issues to her childhood.

That's it for now - one day at a time! I'm going to work on a list of goals.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Mules,

From one coach and dad to another: YOU HANDLED THAT GREAT. Awesome, awesome job.

Puppy

[mulesqb]

Thanks Puppy - When he hugged me by the car - I finally felt like I was back to myself. It felt really good.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

My son went into a hitting slump right at the end of All-Stars, too. Didn't get it out of the infield in the last two weeks, including the state tournament. He gets walks, and beats out a lot of stuff cuz he's fast, but he was pretty down about it. Didn't affect his pitching, tho, or his defense, which I was proud of. We had to pinch-hit for him (which has NEVER, ever happened to him in the five years he's been playing baseball), and the PH got a 2-run, GWRBI double that missed a HR by only about 6". I was very proud of how my little guy cheered for his friend, and took the pulling. He just sat there in the dugout, with his cap and fielder's glove on, and said "Coach said I'm going right back out to shortstop," but we ended up killing the clock and winning the game with our offensive rally.

Puppy

[mulesqb]

Puppy - My S10 is a very good basketball player - not as good at baseball, but he always wants to play. The town had asked me to coach this travel team and I agreed. It actually was very good for him last year as he improved a lot just being in the environment with better players. His pitching is 100% better than last year. He just has no confidence at the plate anymore. Going to work with him this weekend while the W is away. Something I probably wouldn't do if she was home.

Your son sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders. His hitting will be back soon.

[mulesqb]

W just called me at work just to say hello. She was in a great mood. Said the dog was a great idea - he is very good company for her when she is home alone and she is really enjoying him. She spoke to me a little bit about her therapy session. Said her therapist is really focusing on her parents and why my W is always worried about what they will think whenever she makes a decision. She said she is linking many of her issues to her childhood. I just listened and validated - FINALLY KEPT MY MOUTH SHUT!!!

It felt great to talk to her from here - puts me in a good mood. She was talking with me and playing with the dog at the same time. She said she saw this great recipe for mexican meatballs in the waiting room at therapy yesterday - they let her make a copy and she is going to make that tonight --That is my old W right there. She asked if we can hang by the pool tonite. We talked for a half an hour - normal stuff.

FIB -this is not a babystep - there is no such thing. I'm just enjoying the moment while it's there. To the top of the roller coaster for now until we start down again!