H had not 'written out' his homework. He does not like to write, probably less than he likes to read. It's not like it was a 5 page paper, it was writing out emotions, thoughts, actions, sensory data, & wants on a pie chart. Maybe 6 words per slice.
The counselor took him to task on it. H laughed it off, tried to smooth it over.. I thought about meeting the C's eyes to get a sense of what he thought, but I did not. I felt frustrated that H didn't take the time to work through it in a way that the counselor said we would get the most out of it. It makes it appear that while he is going to C. he is not putting the time into working on what we both decided needed priority.. communication.
Other than that I thought it went well. We used a 'talking wheel mat' to be able to say what we wanted. If you weren't on the mat, you couldn't talk.
C. asked me what it was like to have H just listen. I said it was weird. He asked me why and H interrupted and said, because I always interrupt her. The counselor said, oh really?
It was a pleasant car ride up and most of the way home. Until I caught him in a lie.
I tried to give him room to fess up, admit it, I didn't blow up, I didn't get defensive, I just kept stating the facts..I heard you say, I saw you do, then I heard you say... trying to give him a place to start from to reconcile the differences for me.
He sort of admitted to it and then it just got ugly after that. He grabbed my cell phone to see who I had been calling & texting. (just the usual suspects- there is no OM). I calmly let him do that and said "I consider this a violation of my privacy. I have nothing to hide, but it will take time to rebuild this trust you are violating with your actions right now".
He snapped the phone shut and dropped it back onto the console between the seats.. it hit the parking brake and broke the battery cover.. ugg. I just counted to 100 and resolved that I would pay for a new one from the joint account.
I dropped him off at his place, went in to get my D who was coming back to my place for her softball game later.
She was not ready to go, so I told him I would listen(using the talking mat) to him all the way through.
it just deteriorated into a blame game and defending his actions and how it was not a lie to him, it was a 'pretense to see how I would act when I found out' and 'omission of fact'. I said I will not willingly engage in game playing.
And I left. He followed me to the car and asked what he was suppose to do with D. I told him that me taking her with me to my place was a favor for him(it was... he had asked me on the way to C if I could take her back with me so he could do some extra work before her ballgame). I was rescinding that favor since he was being nasty and playing games.
He called me a bi$%ch and told me to go play games with someone else.
I sat in my car during D's ballgame, alternating between watching the game and crying. My dad finally came to the car and asked me what was wrong.. I tried to give him the nutshell version, his recommendation was to cut my losses, file for D, and get on with my life. That was very much in my mind all night.
I am still throwing that idea around in my head this morning.
H texted early (5:30am) and said he 'would give me the gift of silence if that is what it would take for me to be happy'.
I have not responded. A 180 for me.. I almost always pick up the phone when he calls, answer his texts, etc.
I have to meet a man about adopting my foster dog this morning. Then I have a paper to work on for school. It may be a while before I get back to him... what's a good rule of thumb? 24 hours? 6 hours?
ugg...
Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
