W called and I honestly missed the call didn't hear it vibrate, so she sends a text 20 minutes later saying don't bother calling me back. Instant PANIC ATTACK!
Well I called her cause it was a honest mistake. She was miffed and let me know it, I sincerely apologized and told her I didn't hear it.
She goes into how she knew I was pissed cause she wasn't in the mood to talk cause her side was really hurting and that I didn't believe her about it, it had actually kept her up most of the night before she had been taking Ibe's and they make her zone out. Then proceeds to tell me that she knows I will deny being short and upset.
Well I raised my voice abit and said WHOA, I said let me explain something here, I was not upset (really I wasn't was good to hear her voice) I said I know how your side can do that to you and if anything my voice inflection was out of concern cause I know there is nothing I can do to make it better. I also know that when you are in pain the last thing you want to do is make nice so yes I did get off the phone quickly out of respect not out of anger.
She said well I just assumed you were pissed by your tone, I said far from it I don't like it when you are in pain, so don't apologize for hurting you had every right to be not talkative.
By the end of the convo she apologized for reading into it and I said I was sorry if my inflection came across wrong. She said she believes me so I will just go with that and leave it be.
She just called back a few minutes ago to tell me something else and seemed fine I just told her again I was sorry her side was hurting and that she should try and get some sleep. she said well I have been on Ibe's all day and have had some wine so it will probably knock me out. She truly sounds wiped out from it and I do know how it affects her, her pain is mine.
That's it for the day so who knows what tomrrow will bring...
Brian, let me tell you something my friend. A wife who doesn't give a crap about you, doesn't care if you are upset or short. She doesn't call to make sure you aren't mad at her either.
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Well I raised my voice abit and said WHOA, I said let me explain something here, I was not upset (really I wasn't was good to hear her voice) I said I know how your side can do that to you and if anything my voice inflection was out of concern cause I know there is nothing I can do to make it better. I also know that when you are in pain the last thing you want to do is make nice so yes I did get off the phone quickly out of respect not out of anger.
Great response Brian. She knows you care and you just told her without directly saying it that her health is your concern. You also used the word respect which is great. She needs to hear that because right now she is having huge concerns that you do not respect her because of her choices, great job adding that in there.
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She just called back a few minutes ago to tell me something else and seemed fine
Her subtle way of letting you know you done good pal. This says to me, that she understands what you said and wants you to know that you and her are ok to talk. Very good.
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She truly sounds wiped out from it and I do know how it affects her, her pain is mine.
Sometimes I hate reading your stuff. I like to think of myself as a somewhat manly man, but reading this, and understanding the love that you have for your wife, and getting it that this is a prime example of a husband carrying his love and the marriage for his wife. Good tears Brian, very beautiful that you have her so deeply entrenched in your heart.
Yes, Brian is back up. Ian's right again, you did good. I'm not stalking & following Ian, I'm not, I'm really not.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Yes, Brian is back up. Ian's right again, you did good. I'm not stalking & following Ian, I'm not, I'm really not.
It was the whole plumbing thing wasn't it cookie?????
Yep, & the younger woman that's chasing you.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Brian, I think the above was the problem this past week. You saw something on the phone bill, you used common sense and logic to form an assumption. Your mind raced. It caused that above.
Brian, the times you feel lost and don't know what to do, dial my work or cell number. I can't tell you what to do but I can listen. I'm sure Ian will tell you the same. Panic, assumptions, trying to use common sense and logic none of that works.
Ian is right. His post are correct. I have been where you are. I don't think your W is doing this "just to play nice". I think if you continue on with what your doing, (hell Brian, your W has told you what she needs)..Just do it. You can't be afraid anymore, you can't walk on eggshells..you need to let the real Brian out. The Brian we see here. Turn his ass loose.
All the "no contact" by your W could have been from her side hurting. You can't assume things. You can't let your mind race. You can't waste time chasing ghosts.
I can't offer up much more than Ian has said. He knows his chitt. Listen and learn. Step outside your head and just "let go"
Like I said before..don't F this up. If you act DAM you will F this up. Drop the DAM, toss him to the side.
Show her, your W, YOU, the real Brian, set him free.
You can do this. Put it in your head. You can do this.
Do it need to bring BBJ over here to do a cheer and shake her Pom Poms??
Come on brother, suck it up, there's work to be done.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 07/16/0810:43 AM.
Brian, let me tell you something my friend. A wife who doesn't give a crap about you, doesn't care if you are upset or short. She doesn't call to make sure you aren't mad at her either.
This:
Quote:
Well I raised my voice abit and said WHOA, I said let me explain something here, I was not upset (really I wasn't was good to hear her voice) I said I know how your side can do that to you and if anything my voice inflection was out of concern cause I know there is nothing I can do to make it better. I also know that when you are in pain the last thing you want to do is make nice so yes I did get off the phone quickly out of respect not out of anger.
Great response Brian. She knows you care and you just told her without directly saying it that her health is your concern. You also used the word respect which is great. She needs to hear that because right now she is having huge concerns that you do not respect her because of her choices, great job adding that in there.
Quote:
She just called back a few minutes ago to tell me something else and seemed fine
Her subtle way of letting you know you done good pal. This says to me, that she understands what you said and wants you to know that you and her are ok to talk. Very good.
Quote:
She truly sounds wiped out from it and I do know how it affects her, her pain is mine.
Sometimes I hate reading your stuff. I like to think of myself as a somewhat manly man, but reading this, and understanding the love that you have for your wife, and getting it that this is a prime example of a husband carrying his love and the marriage for his wife. Good tears Brian, very beautiful that you have her so deeply entrenched in your heart.
Ian
Ian...
This makes sense, if somebody disliked you are even hated you why would they take the time to make a point.
I may have not always liked or agreed with her decisions that she has made, but like with anybody you respect them for standing for what they feel right or wrong in the decision.
I take this board very seriously, this is no joke to me, sometimes I think after I post something that maybe it comes across as I am trying to paint this perfect picture of me, nothing could be farther from the truth. I am no saint, I have my faults and have made my share of mistakes in my M I admit when I have done something wrong as well as when I post about things that are very raw for me because you have all shown me a side of myself that got lost. When I post of the feelings that I have for my W these are not embellished to sound good these are true & real she truly is entrenched in my heart and soul, I'm not sure that I could ever love as deeply as I do now.
Brian, I think the above was the problem this past week. You saw something on the phone bill, you used common sense and logic to form an assumption. Your mind raced. It caused that above.
Brian, the times you feel lost and don't know what to do, dial my work or cell number. I can't tell you what to do but I can listen. I'm sure Ian will tell you the same. Panic, assumptions, trying to use common sense and logic none of that works.
Ian is right. His post are correct. I have been where you are. I don't think your W is doing this "just to play nice". I think if you continue on with what your doing, (hell Brian, your W has told you what she needs)..Just do it. You can't be afraid anymore, you can't walk on eggshells..you need to let the real Brian out. The Brian we see here. Turn his ass loose.
All the "no contact" by your W could have been from her side hurting. You can't assume things. You can't let your mind race. You can't waste time chasing ghosts.
I can't offer up much more than Ian has said. He knows his chitt. Listen and learn. Step outside your head and just "let go"
Like I said before..don't F this up. If you act DAM you will F this up. Drop the DAM, toss him to the side.
Show her, your W, YOU, the real Brian, set him free.
You can do this. Put it in your head. You can do this.
Do it need to bring BBJ over here to do a cheer and shake her Pom Poms??
Come on brother, suck it up, there's work to be done.
Hey Brother...
I am slowly learning that logic does not play a roll when it comes to affairs of the heart, very tough for a DAM to admit when this is how we a wired.
I appreciate the offer and am sure we will be talking again on the phone if nothing else but to shoot the sh*t!
I understand if I keep letting fear and assumption run my course I will defeat myself being a DAM it is hard to deal with feelings you have never used before. Everyday I learn something new that takes me one step closer to myself trying to undo 45 yrs of thinking one way is a slow process if you truly are trying to make the changes.
Ian's right again, you did good. I'm not stalking & following Ian, I'm not, I'm really not. 