S, I have to agree w/the DB Coach and the posters--turn him down. I understand your fear of losing him, but you know what? He's a lost soul and this bouncing back and forth for sex is a dangerous game he's playing w/you. I do hope that you are using protection and getting checked out periodically. S, your h is using one last trump card to keep you dangling on a string. He knows you don't want to lose him, so what does he do? He's tossing you tidbits every now and then just to keep you dangling. The world he's living in right now, he doesn't have any respect for you or for himself. You are going to have to be the one to get the respect back for yourself.
As for the description of you and the ow, it's the normal mirror image...opposite of what he once was theory. Unfortunately, there's nothing you can do about his attraction to her right now because the affair has to die a slow death w/o any iterruptions by you or anyone else. Eventually he may tire of her and the lifestyle, but that's going to be a while down the road. In the mean time, you have to take care of yourself and do what you can to make each day count.
BTW, the comment about his behavior after you do things, i.e., NASCAR race, etc., he's using passive-aggressive behavior and is punishing you for going out and having fun. Yes, it's a sick way of being, but they aren't happy and they sure do not want us to be happy either. If he's in crisis, he expects you to be right where he left you. In his mind, you will not change or move from where he left you when he walked out the door. They tend to forget that time continues to march on and people change while they are out participating in the Mother Ship activities. Please do not halt your "fun" activities. Live your life and if he has a tantrum or goes off and sulks for a few days, so be it. He's the one that left and wanted his freedom, so now let him have it w/lots of time to think about what he's done. While he's doing that, live your life to the fullest.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
