Ready to GAL...Drop the Rope...Detach..2...

[ddstartingover]

Another post locked. I can't believe I'm still here. But, I'm so glad I found this place..................

Now, my doubts are gone. I know this is MLC. I know there is OW (really know with proof and confirmation---but still no admission from H). I'm done beating myself up and tearing myself down----I'm done blaming myself for being here. I know I can get stronger now. I know I can work on me.

I sent H an e-mail saying some friends invited me out to lunch Thursday and another for dinner that same night. I asked him if he could be available if the kids needed him. He said yes. He would be available at lunch time if needed. He will stay with them Thursday night, but the house he is going to rent will be available Thursday and is planning on moving in Friday. I responded via e-mail, but then later went to him and talked to him. I told him that I needed to look at him and tell him what I have been writing (e-mail HIS preferred and exclusive method of communication these days).

I told him that I know there is no way I can understand what he is going through, just as there is no way he could understand what this is doing to me. I told him that I DO love him, and wish that I could help him get through this. I told him that I know he has to do what he thinks he needs to do at this point, but I will always be here for him----just as I have for the last 29 years. I will be there to work as hard on this as we have worked on everything else in our lives.

I did really well. I held it together. I looked directly at him. I could see how frightened, confused and empty he is. It really made me want to reach out and hold him. I didn't make him talk. I told him I didn't want him to feel guilty. I just needed him to know that even after all that has happend and all that has been said, I love him.

I got up to leave, he stood and held me for a few minutes, and I left.

I did not confront him. I did not tell him what I know. I told him what was in my heart----I did not let the anger take over. It felt really good to be in control of myself.

I would like to attach my first and last threads, but will need help...............