H was controlling overbearing, domineering & I had become an angry doormat.
Chills. I have come to realize recently that I've been very, very angry. I fought the label, thinking you had to be yelling and throwing stuff to be angry, but it turns out that was an incorrect assumption. Someone recommended 'The Dance of Anger' to me several years ago, but I never picked it up, telling myself, "What were they thinking, I'm not angry!" Ha! So, I'm going to head over to my thread later to journal a while. Hus has not taken too many steps forward in our M, but in order to 'teach' him, I need to be the kind of person who is approachable. Peace.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
sort of....... how does one "ask" the other to move forward....
i think i kinda get it.......I started to make changes in my communication with her (ie validating, etc)..and she's more open to communication with me (ie...pix messages of kids, parent date to kiddie park)
am i wrong?
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
Hi SC- So happy that you're sharing some or your insights on how things progressed fro you and your H - very helpful and encouraging.
If you get a sec - could visit my sitch again - I'm not sure where I am right now and worry that I might be responding in the wrong ways to what my W has been saying/doing lately.
Figures you'd come up with Candy Stripper once Mike's thread changed. It's been so long since having any 'huh' that I've been getting applications from cloisters and convents to join. I wonder if that's the right habit to kick?
Are you meeting with the C today? Call me when you're through. I'm done around 3PM my time.. and have the costuming thing around 5:30. *hugs*
H was controlling overbearing, domineering & I had become an angry doormat. I did a 180, I stood up & told him to F off, that he wasn't ever going to treat me that way again...then he did a 180, he became sweet, tender, caring, validating....
So, what I'm trying to say maybe is...if the LBS H has been controlling & harsh, he might want to 180 & be super nice, whenever the W approaches him, don't chase her though. She may be already afraid, even though he's never seen it.
Hey SmartCookie
I just wanted to pop on your thread and say thanks.
As my perspective starts to "stabilize" with my wife, I find myself going back to your threads and reading....trying more and more to grasp what my wife was feeling...and MAY be feeling now, after the change in the way I treat her.
I have a little trouble wrapping my brain around the similarities of our situations sometimes, since it is me that is the possible LBS and the one that read DR, but your words, I believe, are the closest I can come to seeing inside her head and what she felt for so many years.
My W never said F OFF, in so many words.....she just quietly cried and I had to ask her what was wrong.....and still I had to pull the words from her mouth.....just say it...PLEASE.
Your words give me hope. Your anger slowly going away. You watching and listening to your H and seeing his changes and trusting him again.