Getting Off the Rollercoaster!

[stella_k]

(((((Addie)))),

how are you today, any news?

[addie]

Thanks for stopping by Kalni and Stella.

I'm not feeling any better today - my sitch gets more and more outrageous by the day. I haven't spoken to H since Saturday (the day after I confronted him with contacting with OW) and we had a nice conversation. H sent me 2 emails yesterday in response to some things I said to him in the confrontation. He said that he has never thought of me as a backup plan. He admitted that he is very conflicted but that doesn't take away his great love or respect for me. He said he would look into C and that he agrees with everything I said (he didn't specify what). He sent another email saying that he had just read an article on divorce proofing a M and that he realizes he didn't do enough of the little intimate things in the M.
At the same time he is still contacting OW who continues to dismiss him and he has now taken out an ad in the personals. He is a desperate man. I am so disgusted by his behaviour that I don't know if I can ever heal from all of this.

[Andabelle]

Addie, I am so sorry. Your H knows you don't trust him, you've already caught him lying, but it doesn't occur to him you might check the personals to see if he's taken out an add? What do you think he'd do if you told him you knew about it?

Thanks for checking in on my thread. I've pretty much given up on my H, unfortunately. I hope yours comes to his senses, and quick.

[addie]

Hi Andabelle - I am sorry to hear about your sitch. I often wonder how you're doing since you don't post much on your thread.

The only reason I know about the ad is through an email account which he doesn't realize I am aware of. There is no name or picture in the ad. He must be extremely desperate for companionship that he's willing to take anyone right now. Everything that has gone on lately is just so uncharacteristic of him. My H was always a kind, decent person. Never in a million years would I have predicted anything like this. I'm still in shock.

[JenInVen]

Hi Addie. I think your H is conflicted in what he wants and maybe how to get it. He seems like he thinks in order to be happy he always needs companionship. Has he ever been alone or has he always been in an R in some way or another?

I wish he'd take the plunge and not just "look into" C. I guess he will when he's ready.

I think you need to let him hit rock bottom with this. I don't know much about MLC but I read that they need to hit the lowest before they can get better.

I'll say a prayer for your H Addie.

[happynow]

Hi Addie,

I've been trying to catch up with everyone since I was out of town over the weekend & didn't have much of a chance to read & post.

I'm so sorry to hear about your H, but I'm so glad you confronted him about his lying. I think you handled that sitch very well!

You are a very strong person. I'm like you, never in a million years I would have thought my H would do what he has done.

You keep staying strong, I know it's hard right now but God is on your side, just keep remembering that.

We are here for you!!

(((HUGS)))

[stella_k]

I think you need to let him hit rock bottom with this. I don't know much about MLC but I read that they need to hit the lowest before they can get better.

Addie, I couldn't agree more.

I know how hard it is to watch WAS degrading into someone you wouldn't even want to be acquainted with! It is essential, however, to let them complete the transformation. We can knock on the walls of their cocoons and shout: come out of there, you moron! (which is exactly what I did yesterday ), but it won't help. When the time is right, they will emerge - transformed, hopefully.

((((((((Addie))))))))

[addie]

Thank you for your support dear (((((friends))))).

I actually heard from H 3 times last night. First he called and was apologetic for what has happened over the last several months; said he doesn't know how he could have allowed anything like that to happen; said he doesn't know how he could have been so duped by someone; acknowledged again that he needs counseling; doesn't know if he can heal from this; said that he realizes that I would have supported anything he wanted to do, etc...
I listened to what he had to say; I was pleasant and positive; I didn't bring up anything else. I was about to thank him for opening up to me but he had arrived at his destination (he was driving) and had to get off the phone. He said we would continue the conversation later.

He called again late when I was asleep. Repeated some of the same things, told me to never believe that I am his backup plan - that he would NEVER think of me in that way and that he never wants to hear me say that again. He said he misses me alot and that he is very lonely - I told him I do miss him too. He then asked if I would consider flying out there with S for a couple of weeks. I told him I would have to think about it.

Later on he sends me an email saying he realizes he's been a total fool, that he was totally duped. Again he says he is very lonely and depressed (first time he's acknowledged this) and that he needs to find a way to see me and S and signs off
Love, H (which he's only done a couple of times in the last 8 months).

At the same time, he is still trying to get together with OW inviting her to all sorts of things and she keeps putting him off. SIGH!!!

[The Wifey]

Addie,

This is a GOOD thing. He knows how he can see you. You are right where you are. Stay dark a few days. Let him stew a little.

[The Wifey]

Addie,

This is a GOOD thing. He knows how he can see you. You are right where you are. Stay dark a few days. Let him stew a little.