Yup, I think a key thing to help you is to stop talking to her about OM and your relationship with her.
Just tell her "I love you" and "I want to always do what is best for our family." and "I want to see you and our family through this as painlessly as possible." stuff like that. Talk like a mature father figure.
NEVER curse or criticize ok? By the tone in your posts here my bet is she doesn't like the childlike commentary you are posting here..if you use any of that in front of her you are toast.
You have to take on a mature role here and stay calm, level headed, and even religious in tone. Think like a priest here ok? A priest isn't going to call his wife a hypocrite or respond with not having to pay his mortgage as "sweet". Think like a mature adult who has found something beautiful in his life finally.
I would also apologize to her about the use of the drugs. Do'nt include her in it at all, just talk like she never participated. Tell her "I am sorry, I am not proud of that and I am strongly against anyone using them...it is not the kind of person I want to be."
She needs to hear that you have changed a bit. DONT EVER TELL HER YOU HAVE CHANGED...you HAVE to SHOW HER.
Change your clothes, change your speaking habits, change your hobbies, change your interests, change your attitude, etc...she will see the improvement. It has to be so much an improvement you make the OM look like a child. Right now you two are probably ona par. You need to up the ante on him here.
