"There is compromise & accommodation. Compromise, you move 3 steps closer, He moves 3 steps closer. Accommodation, you move 6 steps closer. He stands still. Why do you accommodate him ? I think you deserve those 3 steps."
Mrs SC...
How is this communicated? I'm looking for ways to take those 3 steps towards my W? Is it a subtle thing? Obvious? Thanks....
DR book Chapter 4, step 3,
ask for what you want.
1. you can ask her if it's okay for you to move 3 steps forward 2. you can ask her to move 3 steps forward 3. it's okay for you to be disappointed if she says no 4. it's okay for her to say no 5. it's not okay for you to tell yourself that your relationship is doomed because she said no
I refused to move 3 steps for 11 months. My H had to move 6 steps to me, & 10 of those months I told him to back off. But, he didn't quit, he didn't pursue, he didn't push me, he did get impatient & angry at times, that I wouldn't move 3 steps. I just wasn't ready. He couldn't make me, force me, beg me, plead with me. I wasn't moving til I was darn good & ready. Each time he got impatient & angry, I backed up 4 more steps. Now he had 10 steps. (I was a major league b*tch, but I had to be to achieve a balance eventually).
Then, step #5 experiment & monitor. If you take 6 steps, does she seem nicer or meaner ? If you take 3 steps ? If you take 1 step ?
make sense ?
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
