Hello everyone, I've not started a new thread for a long while, but something happened today to change that real fast!
I talked to the X - what else?
He's refusing to pay for college. I called my L, who told me if I paid her a $10,000 retainer she'd take the case. I know how fast that $10k would go with her. It would be $20k before the check cleared. So all my hard work has been for nothing really. Either way, I can't win.
That man's word means nothing. He's the biggest jerk I've ever met. His parents have paid for their education since the day they were born. Know what he told me? He needs the money to "pay for his lifestyle". WOW. I always knew what a self-serving ass he was, but I always thought he was a good father to the boys (except for destroying their ideas of what a family is). I never once thought he would do this to them.
But he has an ulterior motive. He wants me to give up my part of his retirement. If I do that he'd "promise" me that he'd pay. WOW. Should I believe the guy who has never told me the truth?
Guess what folks? I will not do that. I'll pay for the one who lives with me and we'll make do. He can pay for the one who's going to private school and who now lives with him. And I will get all the QDRO paperwork filed this week.
The thing is, he's still trying to take credit for what I've achieved - professionally - even though he's been gone - what? -forever? I guess that's how he justifies his actions.
What I want to know is this.
Why are some men such upstanding good people who will do anything for their children while others only care about themselves? Yet, they put on this persona where everyone thinks they're SUCH GOOD GUYS. What's up with that? How do they get away with that?
Anyway, vent over. I'm off to Amazon.com to try to find some used books for the Fall Semester.
Yo, it's a personality disorder. Books are written about Nice Guys. Maybe Narcissists. I heard something today that was helpful to me. People don't change, they are only revealed who they are over time. Be smart and take care. Wonder
I know the answer and it's harsh but I would tell the boys exactly what he told you. They have to know in case he really won't pay. Possibly if THEY go to him and ask him what's up, he won't have the guts to tell them that he has to "keep up his lifestyle". Mine used to pull that on me but would turn to the kids like he never said that. As Wonder pointed out he has to look like the "nice guy" when it matter most.
Nothing like pulling this a month before school starts.
What a tool!
You deserve sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much better!
Oh Happy I am so sorry, how frustrating and maddening for you! It is the last staw in their lil selfish , self centered lives.
After my S first year of college ( when he transfered from comm. college to the university) Ex told me it was my turn. Ummmm my turn? I put a roof over his head w/ my min. wage, remember you left us?? well somehow he was "guilted" enough to fork out the second year, whether it was me or S. He wasnt happy about it though.
Its amazing how they put themeselves first, was gonna ask what Beth did, have the boys asked him ?
sorry about the circumstance,but it is nice to see you back.
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
Hi UnHappy: (It will be temporary - we never stay down long):
I had EXACTLY the same thing happen to me last year. Ashley's tuition was due. She told her dad. He refused to pay. I mean, after all - he was building a deck ya know. GRRRR. I remember spitting fire.
So, what does your separation agreement say? That is what I have learned to refer to. I just respond to him with "Check your copy of our S.A. In it, you have to pay. If you refuse - I'll take you to court. I will win. You will pay my court costs. That is usually all it takes.
Ashley knew what her dad said - he said it to her. It has to really hurt a kid to know. I remember what should have been a wonderful day, checking out her campus the day we went to pay tuition. He spoiled it.
I often wonder the same thing. How some men are "family men" and some are not. It boggles the mine. I like what Wonder said. "they are revealed over time". Yep - that sounds right.
It never really goes away, does it? We are all strong women. We have all been through SO much crap. We have all made better lives for ourselves. But we still feel. We still remember. We still hurt. I know I do.
Take care of your son's education. It is most important. He will know where it came from. And if you have any recourse without a lawyer - use it. I just usually put it in writing to ex that I'll see him in court. It's not an idle threat - I will be there if he screws up. I will not tolerate his lack of support.
I'm thinking of you and sending you hugs. I think you need it today.
My ex-BIL has not paid for one day of his son's life. It breaks my heart for that boy. He even tried to connect to his dad but all his dad thought was that he was after money. Luckily, my ex SIL and MIL took care of him and he knows love from them. They have done everything for him.
Anyway, nothing p!sses me off more then to read this kind of stuff.
Happy-- I have it in my divorce decree, too. I hope that he steps up before the kids have to know what an a$$ he is. An important point to consider: people can take out loans for the education. You can NOT take out a loan to retire on. If I have anything to put away, it goes to my account before I put it in the kids' accounts, just for that reason. I hope we will have enough for both, but if I fall short, I will help them with the loans when the time comes.
Oh, and it does sound like narcissism. You might want to read parts of my thread--mine (and others) are starting to show some patterns of this type of persona...
Barbie is right, dig out your agreements, if its down in writing, its so. I don't know what state you live in, but it shouldn't be any problem if you have it in writing.
