The reason why I said 'used', that's how I felt after ML, like a 1 night stand.
1 night stands don't notice your shaking.
1 night stands don't call you back.
1 night stands do not make eye contact like your wife did.
1 night stands mean a lot less than this meant.
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If I look back the only that has worked is being dark, validating, and giving her space, that is what got results. I understand it is 'her' time frame don't have a problem with that, I have a problem with being told to do something when it wasn't what she really wanted IMO.
See Brian, this is where I screwed up when I went through this. I lost my compassion for my wife. I forgot that she was struggling just as I was. I expected her to mean what she said. I expected her to always tell the truth. I expected her to know what was important. I expected her to be that same old wife that I had and forgot how much her heart was hurting, how confused she was, how much she was trying to figure out a way to come home.
You have to at some point recognize that your wife is counting on you to have faith in the US part of your relationship. While she is lost she is needing you to be the beacon that stays strong and guides her home. While she struggles to take even a step in the right direction she is counting on you to carry your marriage through her struggles.
Brian I am not trying to go deep on you here. I simply see your wife as heading in the right direction yet struggling so much because she is so damn lost. She wants to believe your changes are real, but cannot right now. She wants to feel loved and needed without it seeming like you are trying to make her feel that way. You have read smartcookie's stuff, the WAS is in the middle of this huge thunderstorm in their minds. They battle between the damage that has been caused and the promise of possible change.
How much do you love her Brian, enough to push aside the hurt and pain of her not having clarity long enough to give her a chance to come home.
Not for nothing my friend, but maybe, just maybe, her making love to you was not simply to make love, but God's way of telling you to hang on. You said the eye contact was amazing. You said you shook because of how nervous you were "like it was the first time". You must have faith in your marriage and trust that you being strong will guide her home. You have nothing to lose by being strong for her.
