Twerpled on the Head with a Magic Kumquat

[girlfromipanema]

Interesting. In retrospect, would you choose these men again knowing what you know now?

Hello Kerry! You're back!

I wouldn't choose my ex-boyfriend to marry. I never wanted to marry him or have his children. We had a very passionate love for each other and were so young when we got together (I was 18; he was 21). We were together nearly 10 years and I think I was so devastated when he broke it off because he's all I ever knew up to that point. I had casual boyfriend's before him, but he was my "first love". Breaking up was the right thing to do, but the way he did it was harsh and extremely hurtful.

I would most certainly choose my husband again. The man I married is a wonderful, charming, funny, kind, generous man. The man he is today is unrecognizable. I'm trying to figure out what spurred this horrendous change. Sometimes my thoughts tell me that being married to him has made me so much better, but him being married to me has turned him into a monster. I don't get it.

Do you know what you would choose in a man if this marriage fails?

I would choose someone exactly like the man I married (not the "current" husband), but he would have to be a million times more communicative. This is my husband's biggest fault in our marriage.

You mention the difference in interests between your H and yourself. And also how OW and H have more in common with their outside interests. They say that opposites attract and that it is good to not have every thing in common. Right now, your H is attracted to OW because she is pursuing him and has a lot in common with him in activity interests. I wish she was out of the picture for you because I believe it would lift some of the fog clouding your H's thinking.

I should clarify. My husband and I have many of the same interests. We both love the outdoors (hiking, rivers, lakes, oceans), we share a similar sense of humor, we love the same music, food, we love to travel, and on and on. I should have said I'm not a "gifted" athlete. I ran a marathon (Portland!), I workout daily, I love to ride my mountain bike, roller blade, kayak, etc. But I wasn't a pro skateboarder and I didn't have mad fencing or knife throwing skills. I just don't care for the redneck atmosphere of the archery place. I have nothing against rednecks - my dad is a redneck - but I don't want to spend my weekends in that environment when I could be doing something more enlightening. ;-)

I think my husband and I are more compatible as a couple than he and OW could ever be. I, too, wish she would get out of the picture. I told my C today that I'm not someone to hold a grudge, but she has made it obvious to me that she values my husband's friendship over mine - she used to be one of my very best friends. I force myself to be very professional and friendly at the office, but it's so very difficult because of the betrayal and disloyalty I feel. But, you know what? I could probably forgive her if she sought my forgiveness. I don't think that will ever happen. I have a text message saved on my phone that says, "gfi, I have always loved you and considered you my best friend. I am not sleeping with your husband. What can I do to stop your pain?" Sorry. Not going to cut it. You want me to spell it out for you???? How about, "I cherish your friendship. I value you as a person. If my friendship with your husband has crossed a line, I was simply unaware. I will do whatever it takes to mend our rift." And then she should have stayed the hell away from my husband and SHOWED me she meant every word. Oh well.