Pisces,

<<well he asked last night and i said i was busy- which i was- i waited for him to ask...then i asked today if he wanted to join me for a hike and he said yes

good so far

<<the 2 week thing just happened that way- i think he gets his courage up to see me...he really opened up HUGE 2 weeks gao- about all the changes he needs to make, he doesnt think the grass is greener, etc..it was amazing- then he emailed me and said he likes seeing me but its too hard on his emotions- then he emailed me last night for dinner...bc i hadnt asked him at all to get together...

Hm, I have two responses. I don't know you that well yet, do you want the soft one, or the real one ?

<< all those questions you asked were things i have looked at- i did it all. therapy, women's groups Pro marriage), books, worked on myself, started grad school, started a nutrition program & lost weight, everything...it was all still not enough for him.

Was it enough for you though ?

<<he did nothing for our M. nothing. I was always willing and ready to bend over backwards for our M. if you asked him he would say he did a lot- like???? so now i think this space is making him realize UH OH, it isnt her and i did nothing...

There is compromise & accommodation. Compromise, you move 3 steps closer, He moves 3 steps closer. Accommodation, you move 6 steps closer. He stands still. Why do you accommodate him ? I think you deserve those 3 steps. \:\) (geez, it was just a few months/weeks ago I was learning this from my C). gentle hugs


<<thats my fear- he has a lot to fix for himself...not sure he is up to the challenge...

I understand the fear. Get past it, that's his leverage. Either he will change & you stay with him, or he won't & you leave him because you do deserve someone who will move 3 steps when you ask them to.

M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months
4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10
I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.