WAW#10 Feather Ruffle

[mrz99]

LostPhil -
I am new at this also and you remind me of ground that I have covered. Constant contact with the W will continue to drive you crazy. You have to find a way to limit the contact (phone, text and person to person). I found it incredibly difficult to, but once it started to happen my stress level and anxiety level decreased dramatically. My W pushed all of my buttons without even knowing she did so. Since she was uncapable of saying what I wanted to hear, then the buttons were pushed. It so more peaceful not having that. I am then free to work on myself and work on my relationship with my family. If I make the mistake of picking up her call, I can feel the immediate impact on how I am feeling. Right now I try to avoid it at all costs. The interesting side effect is then when I backed off, so did she. I was not in her face talking about the R and that has made her more relaxed to be around when the occasion is required.

Every encounter that you avoid is one less encounter to think about when it is over. I have gotten real good at needing a shower when I hear her stop over, or the need to make a quick run to the store for something totally unneeded. Even if she is still there when I am done or return, the situation is somewhat disarmed because the "tenseness" of when they first arrived has evaporated somewhat.

I don't know if that helps. It's working for me.