I've been keeping up, just not having time to post until now. What everyone has said is so true. You know this, too, as you stated.
You are still in the "misery" stage of your marriage. You are trying for the "awakening" stage (http://www.retrouvaille.org/pages.php?page=7 . See "Stages of Marriages" on that page.
I am here to remind you that it will take time. It did not take your marriage a few days to get to where it is now, so it will not take a few days to get it to where it needs to be.
You are realizing she needs to change some things that were going on Pre A. You will eventually need to tell her that. It took 2 to get to where you are. The things she needs to change probably caused you to not do some things you should have done, which caused .....etc, etc.
