Regarding myself during my previous marriage and being LD...I believed at that time that "sex wasn't that important to me". But I now know that this was just a lie I told myself so that I wouldn't have to deal with the extreme disappointments I was having in my marriage. Does that make sense? I know now that I could not feel any arousal for my ex-h because of the many issues between us which we never addressed. But at the time, I just thought that I had no arousal. Then I would be surprised by myself when I would feel arousal for someone else. But then I would just figure it was a fluke and that the reality was that I was LD, because the arousal never stuck around when I turned my attention back to my ex-h.
I was so wrong about myself...I had no clue that a relationship with many deep-rooted issues, such as my marriage, can and could and does kill your attraction for your partner and your arousal in general. What I thought was that arousal just happened to you, it was a function of your body, so if you weren't feeling it, it had only to do with your own body - not your circumstances. NAIVE was I? Just a bit. LOL!
But I did have one gauge that kept me at least open to the idea that maybe I wasn't a lost cause...and that was that I have always had extremely wild and amazing sexual dreams, including ones with full on orgasms. I have had these dreams since I was a child, and during my sexless marriage I still had them every so often. So after having one of those dreams I would once in a while think "hmm....there must be something extremely sexual inside of me trying to make itself known, or I would have these dreams". Unfortunately, nothing in my waking life matched those dreams even in the tiniest degree, so I would go back to thinking it must be a fluke (the dreams) and I must be LD because my body does not "get horny" or tell me it is time to have sex.
Had I read SSM, my whole life and probably marriage would have changed in an instant.
The moment I realized I was actually HD (could have sex every day even) was when I met my fiance. Well not actually when we met, but after we got into the groove together and were dating exclusively and we worked into our own great sex life together. But see, now I understand that it is all about being fulfilled in general, as a person and within your relationship. Being fulfilled makes me horny! Wow, what a concept!
If I were single again, I think I would be ok without sex for a while....so I am not sure what that says about HD or LD, you know? It is only within my relationship that I feel so HD.
I did have one other long term relationship with a woman, where I was HD for a while - - and then over time as the relationship had trouble, I became LD. So for me at least, it seems to depend upon the health of a relationship.
So to the other question...yes, I agree that basically no one is 100% straight or gay, we all fall somewhere in the middle...but this is a dangerous thing to say out loud to people who may be very insulted at the idea that they are not 100% straight (trust me, I have had that convo so many times, I finally learned not to freak people out with a new idea like that - LOL!)
But as for ways my fiance accomodates my bi-sexuality...well, I will just answer for myself and other bi-sexual people may have a totally different experience with it but here goes...
I seem to be able to fully separate my enjoyment between being with a male partner or a female partner. So that, when I am with one gender sexually, I do not feel any "loss" by not being with the other gender sexually. I am fully monogamous with my male fiance at this time in my life and for the past 4 years, and I do not feel deprived for the fact that I cannot and will not have sex with a woman - - ever again in my life, even.
Its like, when I am so in love like I am now, the fulfillment from that love makes it "ok" with me to not be free to have other sexual experiences with the opposite sex. I do also think that had I found that my dream partner was a woman, which could have been the case, I would be perfectly content with her sexually and wouldn't need to be sexually with a man.
Therefore, my fiance does not really accomodate my bi-sexuality in some particular way. He sometimes thinks maybe he should or something, but it is not necessary. Actually, the best thing he does for me right now (and this will likely sound kinda weird) but what he does for me to "accomodate" me, is for him to NOT get freaked out if I enjoy seeing naked women (ie: porn or other images). In the beginning of our relationship it made him squirm a little if I appeared to enjoy seeing naked women, so I kinda just downplayed it entirely out of respect for him. But now, he finally just allows me that pleasure without taking it personally.
Remember he has issues with some bi women from his past so he is a bit weirder about that the other people would be. But he has finally overcome it for the most part. The reason he has overcome it is because I handle myself with consistency and integrity and I make sure he knows that he is all I want and that I am happy.
But I will say this....those dreams I mentioned above. I still have them. And when I am with one gender sexually in a long term relationship, my sex dreams tend to be more intense about the other gender. So in my current relationship, my sexual dreams seem to "make up for" my lack of a female sex partner, and most of the dreams are about myself and a woman. The same was true when I was in an LTR with a woman - - my dreams tended to be more about men. So it would seem that my mind takes care of the parts of itself that are not getting fed in my waking life.
S&A - I appreciate all your thoughts and comments. I think I have tried to go and see if you have your own thread somewhere and you don't? If you do start one though, I will be quick to join in. I am wondering what your story is and such. Maybe it is here somewhere and I just missed it. But regardless, thanks again for stopping by.
