Thank you so much for that post. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that today.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Yes, I understand, it was good for me to hear from a professional that Dick was in fact happy in our marriage, as it is true a large percentage of affairs have no reflection of the marriage itself, but truly a reflection of the individual who is having the affair. Albeit true, there is something missing within the person who is having the affair. Many people who "indulge" do love their spouse, and are happily married, however, the guilt, anxiety, the inability to accept the responsibility of what they have done or are doing is beyond their emotional capability. As is obviously is with Dick, he is so emotionally stunted that he is incapable of owning up to his own mistakes. Also, Dick has impulse control issues, which often leads him into the trouble he has within his own life, but he prefers to project those issues upon the people he is closest to. Dick is unable to acknowledge his own issues, so he will not emotionally mature to the point of making amends or even peace with his own past.
Yet, just knowing he really did care, well, at least to his own ability or level, does bring a certain comfort to me.... but knowing he won't be able to acknowledge our real past, or own up to his own responsibilities of what happened, will always blame me, has allowed me to continue moving forward and wanting more of what I truly deserve.
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Laughing, I believe what your H has gone through is similar to what my H has gone through...and I agree that dick's inability (and my own H's) to own up to what he has done will help you and ME move forward.
....and we DO deserve more...
Hugs to you and thanks for posting that---it was brilliant!
Valentine
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
I read your good news awhile ago but then my computer crashed. I am so happy for you. I am so glad that your s is home with you where he should be. The raise and health insurance are great news also.
I , too, seem to have missed your posting of this great news.
I'm so, sooo happy for you, and that everything seems to be falling into place for you. Yes, there will always be bumps along the way, but you seem to have a real solid foundation that you're building on, and so many things finally going 'right'.
Wow!! What a wonderful financial gain!!!!! I'm jealous..I could sure use that type of raise. Where I'm at, they're lowering fulltime hours, so my paycheck is going less far than it did two years ago. Not good in the economy we're in right now. Company paid insurance?? Another WOW!!!!
Of course, most important of all, you're kids are home, healthy, and finally being able to let loose of the anxiety they may have been feeling.
I cant do much but shake my head and 'tsk tsk' when you talk about the antics of your xh. What your C told you must have been a real eye-opener, but when you think about it, it does make sense, doesn't it? And it's also some kind of relief to know that what we remembered 'good' about our marriage(s) wasn't just our imagination... There are still times now that I find myself wondering if my xh was ever happy in the marriage, but I DO remember the smiles, the eyes twinkling in laughter and the times we spent talking about the future.
It's amazing how our WAS can make us doubt ourselves and our memories, and I guess we should fight harder to hang onto those than what we do. The past is part of our lives, whether we have to move on from there or not. It's part of our kids' lives, and I dont want them to ever forget that they did have a wonderful, loving (if not perfect) family. I'm still seeing fallout in their lives from what happened with their dad and I, and as you know, they're adults and were 16 and 21 when this all began.
I'm so very happy for you Laughing, and wish you only more of the same in the future.
Women are angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...on a broomstick. We are flexible
Congrats, Laughing!!! I just decided for the first time in months and months to read the board and I see your good news! I have missed your posts and eternal optimism. See, God has been there with you all through this suffering...but you knew that.
I'm sorry I missed your post! I'd call, but I lost phone numbers when my cell phone crapped out a while back..... I relied on that stupid phone way too much!
Last week I had an interesting Tet-a-Tet with Dick last week, via email, which lasted around 12 hours. Back and forth the emails went, while with every email, I was able to see Dick's anger and where he is emotionally. Oh, he's still trapped back 6 years ago, at least, still going over the same old bs, still as angry as ever.
"My Money!" is what he calls child support... still re-writting history, still trying to control me... but this time, I could see more between the lines than ever before, and even though his words were meant to hurt, all I could do is laugh at the way he struggled to control the whole situation.... Thank God I'm free!
He and his wife are having money issues, big surprise, huh? He's not happy, still drudging up his old feelings about how the children were meant to have two parents at home... truth is, they are now teens, they are home just long enough to catch a meal or a night's sleep. Oh, he says he has saved every email from me, since this all started and has made hard copies, even mentioned some that he says I probably won't remember, but they will show the children who I really am.... I won't remember certain emails, cause I didn't write them, as they were written by he, himself... but he's adamant about showing the kids these emails, to prove to them I'm the person he says I am, as if living with me all these years hasn't taught them exactly who I am..... what's this man thinking??? He's not, really, he's just lost in a world of misery, hoping to find his children's acceptance, and possibly forgiveness for the things he's done. He's hoping that by showing the kids these emails, they will understand him for what he has done. The man is still living in the past, angry because things aren't working out the way he had planned, and pissed off because he now has to work 50 hours a week to keep up with his wife's spending habits.... and that's his reality. It's what he wanted, I hope he finds happiness someday.
As for me, I've been busy, we are in the process of moving. It's raining today, so it put a damper on the moving stuff today.
Hope all of you are well, happy and healthy!
God Bless you all!
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Hi Laughing, you sound good and so you should after all your trials. Poor old Dick, my heart bleeds. Hope the new place is what you wanted. Good to hear your update. It's a wonder your not living in a mental Institution considering all he put you through, yet you are amazing. God Bless and may life continue to get better and better.
