You will soon have days that inspire and change you...But remember, YOU are the one to make those days happen...
Update...
Ok.. 180 and decided to GO to workout w/H.. came home made dinner...ate dinner, I jumped on pc.. talking to a friend (that aura of mystery again).. he left to drop somehting off to D14... he was gone waaayyy tooo long.. so I called and asked if he was ok.. He said he got a call from an overseas supplier and had to go to the office.. (OW perhaps...) no worries though..I said "ok.. Great!! See ya later - Bye!" acting - as-if... Decided a long hot bath would be great and it was... lounged around for a bit with a bottle of wine... H came home... decided to shower.. came to bed... Well I asked for a much needed massage, and he obliged... this used to be a prerequist to sex... but instead of turning that way I layed there and caressed him afterward...he loves that... that is what led to the ML session... very intimate, very special... things are definately looking to a new direction... he held me.. and my hand all night...
Woke up this morning.. and went to the office, accomplished alot before lunch . we had lunch together ran some errands. He called to tell me something ... not very important and nothing to do with anything but his cell phone... (weird.. just small talk) and thats where we are at today.. He is leaving town this evening and won't be back until Thursday... Time for D14 and I to have some girl time... I have already made plans for the weekend that do not include him...A girls weekend at a nice hotel.. facials and massages... OH YEAH!!
On an upnote...H asked me to attend a seminar for our business since he couldn't and noone else could go... hmmm with the pending D, kind of weird he would want me to go since I will not have a whole lot to do with the business once the D is final... maybe he is thinking about our future a bit....
One thing I am not doing is any type of smothering, I still keep a distance, not too much affection however, I did lean in for a kiss after lunch today... he didn't say no... but I keep it minimal even though I feel like hugging and kissing him all the time...No need to scare him...
Hope all are hanging in there...
t
Me - 38 H-36 DD - 15 S- 19 Together -almost 18 years M - 16 The Bomb - May 24th 2008 Meeting with Michelle July 7, 2008 Status - I moved out Sept 2009
Can I tell you how jealous I am of how well things are going for you? Actually I'm very happy that your sitch seems to be on a definite upswing.
I am hoping in two weeks when my W comes home for a visit that I can some similar successes as you have. I will definitely be sticking to an "as if" attitude and keeping the 180's going. I believe it will be very positive if she doesn't feel pressured to R talk and can just enjoy the time she is here with our D's.
On a side note, I have a whole new issue to deal with regarding a younger sister who has some very serious marital problems right now. Posted it in my sitch earlier today.
You will soon have days that inspire and change you...But remember, YOU are the one to make those days happen...
Update...
Ok.. 180 and decided to GO to workout w/H.. came home made dinner...ate dinner, I jumped on pc.. talking to a friend (that aura of mystery again).. he left to drop somehting off to D14... he was gone waaayyy tooo long.. so I called and asked if he was ok.. He said he got a call from an overseas supplier and had to go to the office.. (OW perhaps...) no worries though..I said "ok.. Great!! See ya later - Bye!" acting - as-if... Decided a long hot bath would be great and it was... lounged around for a bit with a bottle of wine... H came home... decided to shower.. came to bed... Well I asked for a much needed massage, and he obliged... this used to be a prerequist to sex... but instead of turning that way I layed there and caressed him afterward...he loves that... that is what led to the ML session... very intimate, very special... things are definately looking to a new direction... he held me.. and my hand all night...
Woke up this morning.. and went to the office, accomplished alot before lunch . we had lunch together ran some errands. He called to tell me something ... not very important and nothing to do with anything but his cell phone... (weird.. just small talk) and thats where we are at today.. He is leaving town this evening and won't be back until Thursday... Time for D14 and I to have some girl time... I have already made plans for the weekend that do not include him...A girls weekend at a nice hotel.. facials and massages... OH YEAH!!
On an upnote...H asked me to attend a seminar for our business since he couldn't and noone else could go... hmmm with the pending D, kind of weird he would want me to go since I will not have a whole lot to do with the business once the D is final... maybe he is thinking about our future a bit....
One thing I am not doing is any type of smothering, I still keep a distance, not too much affection however, I did lean in for a kiss after lunch today... he didn't say no... but I keep it minimal even though I feel like hugging and kissing him all the time...No need to scare him...
Hope all are hanging in there...
t
T...
HOORAY for you! I like how you asked for something and he accepted it and did it good for you. You then gave something in return to fill his bucket, and it turned into something mutual for both of you PERFECT.
H inititated 1st contact of the day and it turned into lunch nothing heavy just 2 people enjoying each others company no pressure. The kiss afterwards doesn't sound like he pulled back so nothing ventured nothing gained, test and observe! Slow & steady wins the race. Sounds like a good weekend of GAL'ing with D14 enjoy that time it will be something treasured in coming years for both of you.
Nice of H to wsk you to go to the seminar did you accept?
I certainly understand wanting more, tough to keep it in check but if we can and it provides a ends to a means then alittle sacrifice now will possibly reap the benefits for the future.
Stay your path slow & easy, patience...
I'm proud of you and so happy things have been going well..
P.S. Yes once you have truly become detached it all starts coming together..
Well.. he is gone for now... He will have seen his parents on this business trip... Can't help but wonder if he will tell them about the pending D.
I seem to have detached some...180's are easier to come by... Is this suppose to happen?
t
t,
I think I can understand how you feel about him telling his parents. I don't know about you, but when my W started telling her family about her wanting a D, it was a big thing for me. Felt like she was much more serious about having it happen than when she kept it to herself. Only solace I have is she, to my knowledge, has not told her Dad, only her sisters. However, that may just be because she doesn't have as close a relationship with him - although both of her sisters have told her she is making a big mistake. Guess that is one good thing when the WAS tells family members, they can hear they are making a mistake from someone other than the LBS.
The 180s are getting easier for me as well. I think they are starting to become somewhat of a habit now. I find myself communicating in a completely different way to my W then I did at the beginning of this awful journey. It has given me a bit more sense of calm actually. I'm not stressed out about why she isn't emailing me more, or calling on a regular basis. I guess to a certain extent I have lowered my expectations - trust me the bar is not that high right now and it doesn't take a lot for her to give me that "woo hoo" feeling . Take care.
Funny how things happen... H used my car to make the trip to SD... I have not heard from him, but reminders all around me... 1 being when I got in his car and flipped down the visor, papers fell out.... His copy of the D petition.... I was annoyed at that a bit... good that he wasn't here... His discretion needs work...My sister called this morning, and it was a busy morning for me I was trying to get to the city and was running late... plus the dogs got loose, gel in my hair and my hands, neighbor comes over, can't even open the door (the goo in my hands,...lol)and the phone on my ear... quite the sight.... Hair sticking up in all directions...partially dressed trying to calm sister down.. she is having a hard time too but all she wanted to do was vent about my H.... "How could he do this to you and his family..." He has everything anyone could ever want and he's throwing it away"... etc.
I tried hard to assure her, but not sure she understands what I am trying to do.. things seem to be going so good, but she just kept venting... very hard to think positive, when family doesn't understand the program...and they are in your ear... I try not to talk about it with them but they always want an update...
I am curious as to what tonight will bring... H is coming home and I have not heard from him since he left...On top of my hectic morning as I am finally leaving for the city I get a call from my attorney... time to sign my paperwork and file the Answer to his Petition..(I have stated that this marriage is NOT broke and there is still a chance.. wonder how that will fly over w/H)... hmmm... H & I have not talked about M or D since we spoke with Michele... Wondering if I tell him that I am going to L office tomorrow...and do I ask if he told his parents? That maybe something I don't want to know... If he tells them, then I am afraid he is not as confused as I had hoped.. and to initate a R & M talk could be exhausting...
Any thoughts out there??
t
Me - 38 H-36 DD - 15 S- 19 Together -almost 18 years M - 16 The Bomb - May 24th 2008 Meeting with Michelle July 7, 2008 Status - I moved out Sept 2009
. Take care.